Checkout this Real Billboard in Mumbai — First there was Jet Airways, then Kingfisher responded to Jet Airways by putting up their own Billboard and then it was GoAir which responded to both.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Aborted Takeoff
The 794-hour private pilot made an uneventful emergency landing on a public highway following a loss of engine power due to fuel starvation. Several attempts were made by the pilot to have the aircraft placed on a flatbed trailer and recovered to a suitable airport; however, the width of the trailer available for recovery was too narrow to accommodate the airplane's main landing gear. After several failed attempts to recover the airplane by ground, the pilot elected to fill the fuel tanks with 15 gallons of fuel and, in coordination with local law enforcement, attempt to takeoff from the private highway.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Three Holy Men and a Bear
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
Chocolate Ice Cream
A man approached an ice cream van and said, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."
The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate."
"In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."
"You don't understand, sir," the girl said. "We have no chocolate."
"Then just give me some chocolate," he insisted.
Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla'?"
The man spelled, "V-A-N."
"Now spell 'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'"
"OK. 'S-T-R-A-W.'"
"Now," the girl asked, "spell 'stink,' as in 'chocolate.'"
The man hesitated and then looked confused as he replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screamed.
The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate."
"In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."
"You don't understand, sir," the girl said. "We have no chocolate."
"Then just give me some chocolate," he insisted.
Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla'?"
The man spelled, "V-A-N."
"Now spell 'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'"
"OK. 'S-T-R-A-W.'"
"Now," the girl asked, "spell 'stink,' as in 'chocolate.'"
The man hesitated and then looked confused as he replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screamed.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
What the Bible says about Gratitude
Philippians 2:14:
Psalm 92:1-2:
14Do everything without complaining or arguing,
16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Colossians 3:15:
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Ephesians 5:4:
4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
Ephesians 5:19-20:
19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Timothy 2:1-2:
Psalm 92:1-2:
1 It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
2 to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
Psalm 140:12-13:
12 I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor
and upholds the cause of the needy.
13 Surely the righteous will praise your name
and the upright will live before you.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Laws of Parenting
1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Batten Down the Hatches!
Batten Down the Hatches! 1
Originally uploaded by JetMan777.
This morning's thunderstorm in Sienna Plantation
See all 5 photos
No Novocaine
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want novocaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?"
The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Friday, June 22, 2007
Haircut Conversations
A Woman's Conversation About a Haircut:
Oh! That's so cute!A Man's Conversation About a Haircut:
Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms. See how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Haircut?
Yep.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
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Hacker Safety
The hacker hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill.
He tried three times to hit the ball and each time he missed the ball and hit the anthill. Ants went flying all over the place.
One ant turned to the other ant and said, "If we are going to survive, we had better get on the ball."
Monday, June 18, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Letter from Grandma
Grandma's letter. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:Dear Granddaughter: the other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did - what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!! Will write again soon.
Love, Grandma
Friday, June 15, 2007
Friday's Lame Excuse Award goes to...
"A defense attorney tried a different argument to win his convicted client a new murder trial: the attorney was too sleepy."
Disciplining Your Child: Let Consequences do the Teaching
Hal E. Runkel, LMFT
As parents, we have within our reach the greatest and most effective disciplinary strategy in the world. No, it’s not military school or “Brat Camp”. The single greatest teaching and discipline strategy is a phenomenon woven into the fabric of life itself.
Simply put, here it is: our choices have consequences. Every single one of them.
There is a law of sowing and reaping that, when we think about it, has taught us more than any lecture, textbook, or sermon. Whenever we are able to calmly reflect on our experience, including our mistakes, then we begin to own our choices and become healthier, more self-directed people.
But when it comes to our parenting, we don’t like to watch our children make mistakes. And we don’t like having to take the time and energy to enforce the consequences of those mistakes. So instead, we scream. We threaten. We hope it “works,” meaning we hope our screaming forces them to behave the way we need them to. When it doesn’t, we scream some more???and then our screaming becomes the consequence itself. This isn’t working and everyone knows it. No one is learning anything here, but what else can we do?
We can let the consequences do the screaming. We can learn to get our emotional anxiety out of the way and let the consequences do their job. So how do we do that? We learn to calm ourselves down. But before we do that, we must actively become interested in calming ourselves down, instead of focusing on getting our children to never make mistakes.
Here are some principles to follow when deciding to “let the consequences do the screaming”:
- Don’t Ever Set a Consequence That Is Tougher For You To Enforce Than It Is For Them to Endure. How serious can you possibly be by grounding your teen-age daughter for a month? Are you crazy? Do you really think it’s possible to baby-sit her that long? When we overextend ourselves, it becomes that much easier to cave in when the emotional pressure hits. And thus, we break our promises and teach our kids not to trust our word.
- There Are No Shortcuts To Setting Or Enforcing Consequences. Providing consistent discipline for our children is always time-consuming, sometimes exhausting, and never done from afar. That’s right; it’s supposed to be difficult. Reflect on the times when you have been consistent, when you have followed through. I guarantee you’ve been able to do it more than you think you have. Keep it going.
- There Is No Magic Consequence, Guaranteed to Correct Your Child’s Behavior From Now On. So often we find ourselves searching for the magic pill, that one consequence that will make our kids feel remorse, make our kids change their behavior, and make our kids never do it again. The trouble is that the more we need the consequence to “work” like that, the more we invite our child to resist its effects altogether. The power of consequences is not found in short-term compliance, it is found in demonstrating consistently over the long-term that our choices have results.
After you take PlayStation away, your son may say “Fine, I don’t care.” This is his effort to show that you haven’t gotten to him emotionally. Here’s a great response: “I don’t care that you don’t care. That’s not why I’m taking it away. I’m taking it away because of the choice you made to break curfew (or whatever infraction he committed).” Don’t set the consequence to prevent him from doing it again (he will). Set it so that a) you have something to do other than scream again; and b) he will learn to trust your word and learn about the law of sowing and reaping. - Only Choose Consequences You Are Willing To Endure Yourself. This may be the toughest principle for us as parents. We cannot expect our kids to handle the consequences of their choices any better than we do. So often we anxiously want our kids to learn lessons we have yet to master. Welcoming consequences into your home means welcoming them for yourself, and even letting your kids watch. Take your kids to traffic court and let them watch you take your medicine from the judge. I promise it becomes easier to enforce consequences when you yourself know how beneficial they can be for your own growth.
Hal E. Runkel, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of the groundbreaking book ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool, from Waterbrook Press. Visit www.ScreamFree.com for more information.
FAA Launches Online Medical Application Nationwide
Pilots have proven the value of an online medical application form through AOPA's TurboMedical interactive online form. TurboMedical, which has been a hit with members since its debut nearly six years ago, identifies medical conditions that will require additional documentation and provides pilots with the resources needed to gather the information and address the problem before meeting the aviation medical examiner (AME).Now the FAA is rolling out its own online medical application, MedXPress, nationwide. As of June 15, all pilots will have access to the program. Those in the western United States have had access since April.
Unlike TurboMedical, the FAA's program does not identify problem medical conditions or medications, and once the application is sent, it can't be altered. AOPA encourages members to fill out TurboMedical before the FAA's form to prevent unnecessary deferrals. Remember, you can always just fill out TurboMedical online, print it out, and take it to your AME. TurboMedical can be attached to the FAA's medical application form so that you don't have to fill it out.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Choosing a photo-sharing site
Kim Komando
I have used Yahoo! Photos for years. I just learned that they are shutting down. They will transfer my photos to Flickr, Kodak EasyShare Gallery, Shutterfly, Snapfish or Photobucket. Which one has the best free service? I want to be able to share my photos with other people by sending a link.
Before I talk about the other photo-sharing sites, let me address what’s happening with Yahoo! Photos.
Yahoo! will begin closing Yahoo! Photos in June. It will focus on Flickr, a photo-sharing site it purchased in 2005.
This is sure to frustrate a lot of long-time users of Yahoo! Photos. But Yahoo! will help its members transition to a new photo-sharing site.
Obviously, Yahoo! would prefer to switch members to Flickr. But, it will offer several other options. You can also select Snapfish, Shutterfly, Kodak EasyShare Gallery or Photobucket.
You must create an account with one of the other sites. Once you verify your Yahoo! information with the site, it transfers your photos.
Now, the move could take some time. This all depends on the site you choose. Your photos will be put in a queue for transfer. The more people transferring, the slower things will be.
Yahoo! says that it will officially close in the fall. So you have some time to choose a new site. But don’t wait too long. When Yahoo! Photos closes, everything will be deleted.
I recommend that you start downloading your photos onto your computer immediately. But you already have them on your hard drive, right?
There could be hiccups with the transfer of your photos to another site. I wouldn’t want to run the risk of losing all of my photos.
Okay, now on to choosing a new photo-sharing site.
Choosing a new photo-sharing service will be a difficult task. They all have different features and restrictions. One isn’t necessarily better than another. It’s a matter of preference.
But it helps to know what you’re getting into before you make the switch. All of the services offer free accounts. I would sign up with all of the services now so you can test them.
The way they work will differ from Yahoo! Photos. But some may be more intuitive to you than others.
I’ve assembled information to help sort out features of the different sites. Keep in mind that this information refers to the free membership option. Many offer a paid service with more options. All of the sites let you invite others to view your photos.
With Flickr, you can upload up to 100 megabytes of photos each month. This refers to bandwidth, not storage; deleting photos won’t increase the amount you can upload.
File size is limited to five megabytes. Only small images are accessible. However, the originals are saved in case you upgrade to Flickr Pro. Also, you’ll only see your 200 most recent photos; if you upgrade your account, you’ll see the rest. Your free account will be deleted after 90 days of inactivity.
Flickr has a strong sense of community. Its users like to comment on others’ work. The photos also have more of an artistic bent.
Shutterfly gives you unlimited storage and no file size limit. It says that it has never deleted a photo. You can create slide shows and add captions to your photos. Of course, Shutterfly promotes products such as prints and calendars.
Snapfish also gives you unlimited storage. High-resolution images are kept for three months so you can make large prints. Then the photos are converted to a lower resolution, suitable for small prints.
Snapfish sells prints and other photo-related products. If you don’t make at least one purchase a year, your account is deleted.
Kodak EasyShare Gallery gives you unlimited storage. It does not specify a limit on file size. Like Snapfish, it deletes your account if you don’t make a purchase once every 12 months.
Photobucket is different from the other photo-sharing sites. It is designed to host images for blogs and auction sites.
Photobucket gives you one gigabyte of storage. You also get 25 gigabytes of bandwidth per month. If your photos are viewed a lot, they may not be available for others to view. Your photos are limited to one megabyte in size.
I hope this information helps. I have more photo tips on my site that you may find helpful:Remember to check out my Web site for free photo-editing software. And if you'd like, visit my scrapbook to see some of the photos I have online.
Kim :)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tips to Keep Your Family Vacation Affordable and Fun
C. Scott Houser
Does it ever make sense to stretch your spending, even if it means temporarily busting your budget or borrowing from your college fund? When the cause is as worthy as family vacations, the answer is a resounding "Yes!" For over 20 summers, when our children were still at home, our family always took a two week vacation. I wouldn't trade the fun and value which those vacations brought our family, even for "full ride" college scholarships for all five kids. I'd like to encourage you to begin now planning a memorable and affordable family vacation for this summer. From our experiences, here are some tips that can help.
Budget realistically. Vacations need not be expensive. Budget an amount and stick to it. If you're driving, set a fixed spending amount ($200 per day, for example). Include all of your expenses, gas, meals, admissions, special activities, etc. Involve your children in the process. Share with them that conserving money on one day allows them to go to a water park on another day. Be creative. To save money, our family typically ate only one meal in a restaurant per day. For the other two, we prepared our own food and either ate in the hotel room or had a picnic. Take turns letting the kids choose the type of food???and, if you are really adventurous, the restaurant???each day. They feel important and it minimizes arguments. Shop around for hotel discounts. Paying the listed rate for a hotel room is like paying full retail for a mattress.
Set your itinerary. Agreeing on an itinerary is important because adults and children have different ideas of "fun." I wanted to do things that I couldn't do at home: drive through the mountains, visit historical sights, go horseback riding, etc. Our children basically wanted to do what they could do at home: watch TV, visit a man-made attraction like Six Flags, or swim in the hotel pool. You gotta compromise. Every summer, my kids gave me my day in the mountains where we did nothing but drive through the Rockies. They even tried to look semi-interested. As a compromise, I did things that I thought were a total waste of money. After all, vacations are for the whole family.
Be flexible. Not every one of our days was planned. This can be risky, but sometimes the memories are worth it. One summer, we just happened to be in the Denver area during a Promise Keepers men's conference. The only accommodations we could find were at "Ace's Motel and Kitchenettes." If you miss pink stucco exteriors and green shag carpeting, I'll give you Ace's number.
Stay in one place. Admittedly, this is from Dad's perspective because he is the one who packs the trunk. For at least part of your vacation, pick a place (like a family camp or the beach) where you are not packing and unpacking the car every day. Having five kids and your spouse packing and aiming toward a scheduled departure time begins to take on aspects of a cattle drive. Staying in one place allows you to relax for awhile.
Decide on the ground rules. How many times have you been on a family vacation and seen parents and their children arguing? Vacations are supposed to be fun, not a battleground. Parents should establish the rules in advance so that arguments don't take joy away from the day. For example, take children's spending. To them, nothing in a souvenir shop is too tacky or overpriced. How did we solve this dilemma? Simple. They could buy what they wanted with their own money but they couldn't ask me for more. A few months prior to our vacation, I began reminding them that they should be saving their funds. Some did, some didn't. On the eve of our departure, I gave them each $20 to supplement their savings. After that, they were on their own. If they spent it the first day, they were out of luck. Knowing in advance the ground rules on spending, fast food restaurants, and sharing the Game Boy saves countless arguments and embarrassing moments.
The best things in life can be free. Prior to leaving, we checked the websites of where we would be visiting. The information we gleaned was invaluable. Couple this information with an AAA Tour Book and you can fill many days with no-cost activities. One of our best days was visiting an aircraft museum (free, but donations accepted) which was fully staffed with World War II veterans who were volunteering their time to restore the planes and serve as tour guides. They were glad to have us and our kids found them fascinating.
The second best things in life are almost free. Almost free can be categorized in the $3 to $5 admission category. One of our favorite activities was minor league baseball???if that isn't Americana, I don't know what is. Later, we became National Park groupies. Besides being a good way to recoup a good benefit from your tax dollars, National Parks almost always inspire awe at God's creation. Another activity is to visit the small town county fairs, rodeos, and 4-H exhibits. If you're discouraged about the state of affairs in our country, these activities will give you an uplift.
Have a purpose. Although we have gone to the Mecca of family vacation spots, Disney World (where I felt like a robbery victim), the best vacations are ones where a part of it had a purpose. For several years, we attended a family camp, Bear Trap Ranch, sponsored by InterVarsity in Colorado. The camp is a combination of spiritual input and outdoor activities such as hiking and rappelling. Several families would come back the same week each year, and we made friends all across the country. Our family benefited from the spiritual truth of family camps.
When I say purpose, I'm thinking of tradition. It may be that your tradition is getting together with relatives at the beach so that distant cousins can get to know one another. It may be a vacation centered around an activity that the whole family can enjoy, such as skiing. Times are changing and life seems disconnected. Traditional family vacations build a family foundation that hasn't changed since you and your sister fought over your half of the back seat.
Publish it. Regardless of what you've done or where you've gone, it's always fun to remember it. My wife began taking a large scrapbook with us on our family vacations. As we were driving, we dictated what happened that day and left space to paste in photographs, postcards, admission tickets, etc. When we read about vacations past, we relive the memories. Some entries are exciting???such as when we saw a bear. Others are funny ("You know you're in trouble when the highlight of the day is having your pediatrician phone in an anti-diarrhea prescription"). No event is too small to document. It all looks humorous in hindsight.
We took the same basic two week vacation for 20+ years. Having a purpose in mind and rules to live by made it fun. Having the whole family together made it great. These days the kids are gone, but my wife and I are still dedicated to our two week vacation. And because we built such great memories, we can count on every new vacation day offering up a sight or event that reminds us of the fun times we shared with our kids.
By the way, we thought the family vacation would become a thing of the past, but we are discovering that it might be even a better time than the holidays to gather the kids, spouses, and grandkids. It can be hard to get everyone home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but rent a beach house for a week and they flock to you!
Please, budget for a family vacation, especially before your family disperses. It could be one of the best investments you'll ever make.
Published since 1990, Sound Mind Investing is America's best-selling financial newsletter written from a biblical perspective. Visit the Sound Mind Investing website.
Does it ever make sense to stretch your spending, even if it means temporarily busting your budget or borrowing from your college fund? When the cause is as worthy as family vacations, the answer is a resounding "Yes!" For over 20 summers, when our children were still at home, our family always took a two week vacation. I wouldn't trade the fun and value which those vacations brought our family, even for "full ride" college scholarships for all five kids. I'd like to encourage you to begin now planning a memorable and affordable family vacation for this summer. From our experiences, here are some tips that can help.
Budget realistically. Vacations need not be expensive. Budget an amount and stick to it. If you're driving, set a fixed spending amount ($200 per day, for example). Include all of your expenses, gas, meals, admissions, special activities, etc. Involve your children in the process. Share with them that conserving money on one day allows them to go to a water park on another day. Be creative. To save money, our family typically ate only one meal in a restaurant per day. For the other two, we prepared our own food and either ate in the hotel room or had a picnic. Take turns letting the kids choose the type of food???and, if you are really adventurous, the restaurant???each day. They feel important and it minimizes arguments. Shop around for hotel discounts. Paying the listed rate for a hotel room is like paying full retail for a mattress.
Set your itinerary. Agreeing on an itinerary is important because adults and children have different ideas of "fun." I wanted to do things that I couldn't do at home: drive through the mountains, visit historical sights, go horseback riding, etc. Our children basically wanted to do what they could do at home: watch TV, visit a man-made attraction like Six Flags, or swim in the hotel pool. You gotta compromise. Every summer, my kids gave me my day in the mountains where we did nothing but drive through the Rockies. They even tried to look semi-interested. As a compromise, I did things that I thought were a total waste of money. After all, vacations are for the whole family.
Be flexible. Not every one of our days was planned. This can be risky, but sometimes the memories are worth it. One summer, we just happened to be in the Denver area during a Promise Keepers men's conference. The only accommodations we could find were at "Ace's Motel and Kitchenettes." If you miss pink stucco exteriors and green shag carpeting, I'll give you Ace's number.
Stay in one place. Admittedly, this is from Dad's perspective because he is the one who packs the trunk. For at least part of your vacation, pick a place (like a family camp or the beach) where you are not packing and unpacking the car every day. Having five kids and your spouse packing and aiming toward a scheduled departure time begins to take on aspects of a cattle drive. Staying in one place allows you to relax for awhile.
Decide on the ground rules. How many times have you been on a family vacation and seen parents and their children arguing? Vacations are supposed to be fun, not a battleground. Parents should establish the rules in advance so that arguments don't take joy away from the day. For example, take children's spending. To them, nothing in a souvenir shop is too tacky or overpriced. How did we solve this dilemma? Simple. They could buy what they wanted with their own money but they couldn't ask me for more. A few months prior to our vacation, I began reminding them that they should be saving their funds. Some did, some didn't. On the eve of our departure, I gave them each $20 to supplement their savings. After that, they were on their own. If they spent it the first day, they were out of luck. Knowing in advance the ground rules on spending, fast food restaurants, and sharing the Game Boy saves countless arguments and embarrassing moments.
The best things in life can be free. Prior to leaving, we checked the websites of where we would be visiting. The information we gleaned was invaluable. Couple this information with an AAA Tour Book and you can fill many days with no-cost activities. One of our best days was visiting an aircraft museum (free, but donations accepted) which was fully staffed with World War II veterans who were volunteering their time to restore the planes and serve as tour guides. They were glad to have us and our kids found them fascinating.
The second best things in life are almost free. Almost free can be categorized in the $3 to $5 admission category. One of our favorite activities was minor league baseball???if that isn't Americana, I don't know what is. Later, we became National Park groupies. Besides being a good way to recoup a good benefit from your tax dollars, National Parks almost always inspire awe at God's creation. Another activity is to visit the small town county fairs, rodeos, and 4-H exhibits. If you're discouraged about the state of affairs in our country, these activities will give you an uplift.
Have a purpose. Although we have gone to the Mecca of family vacation spots, Disney World (where I felt like a robbery victim), the best vacations are ones where a part of it had a purpose. For several years, we attended a family camp, Bear Trap Ranch, sponsored by InterVarsity in Colorado. The camp is a combination of spiritual input and outdoor activities such as hiking and rappelling. Several families would come back the same week each year, and we made friends all across the country. Our family benefited from the spiritual truth of family camps.
When I say purpose, I'm thinking of tradition. It may be that your tradition is getting together with relatives at the beach so that distant cousins can get to know one another. It may be a vacation centered around an activity that the whole family can enjoy, such as skiing. Times are changing and life seems disconnected. Traditional family vacations build a family foundation that hasn't changed since you and your sister fought over your half of the back seat.
Publish it. Regardless of what you've done or where you've gone, it's always fun to remember it. My wife began taking a large scrapbook with us on our family vacations. As we were driving, we dictated what happened that day and left space to paste in photographs, postcards, admission tickets, etc. When we read about vacations past, we relive the memories. Some entries are exciting???such as when we saw a bear. Others are funny ("You know you're in trouble when the highlight of the day is having your pediatrician phone in an anti-diarrhea prescription"). No event is too small to document. It all looks humorous in hindsight.
We took the same basic two week vacation for 20+ years. Having a purpose in mind and rules to live by made it fun. Having the whole family together made it great. These days the kids are gone, but my wife and I are still dedicated to our two week vacation. And because we built such great memories, we can count on every new vacation day offering up a sight or event that reminds us of the fun times we shared with our kids.
By the way, we thought the family vacation would become a thing of the past, but we are discovering that it might be even a better time than the holidays to gather the kids, spouses, and grandkids. It can be hard to get everyone home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but rent a beach house for a week and they flock to you!
Please, budget for a family vacation, especially before your family disperses. It could be one of the best investments you'll ever make.
Published since 1990, Sound Mind Investing is America's best-selling financial newsletter written from a biblical perspective. Visit the Sound Mind Investing website.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Honk if you're married and can't cope with anger
Dave Barry
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published July 31, 1994.)
Today's topic for married people is: coping with anger.
Even so-called ''perfect couples'' experience conflict. Take Canada geese.
They mate for life, so people just assume they get along well; when people see a goose couple flying overhead, honking, they say, ''Oh, that's SO romantic.'' What these people don't realize is that honking is how geese argue. (''Are you SURE we're heading north?'' ''YES, dangit.'' ''Well, I think we should ask somebody.'' ) The only reason they mate for life is that they can't afford lawyers.
It's the same with humans. Even if you love somebody very much, you eventually discover that this person has irritating habits, such as leaving toenail clippings around the house as though they were little art displays; or not disposing of the potato-chip bag after eating everything in it except three salt molecules at the bottom; or secretly being also married to somebody else; or humming the song ''Horse With No Name''; or responding to every single statement you make -- including obviously factual ones, such as that Montpelier is the capital of Vermont -- by saying, ``Well, that's YOUR opinion.''
No matter how much you love your spouse, eventually the smooth, unblemished surface of your relationship will be marred by a small pimple of anger, which, if ignored, can grow into a major festering zit of rage that will explode and spew forth a really disgusting metaphor that I do not wish to pursue any further here. This is why you married couples need to learn to cope with your anger.
For an excellent example of a married couple coping with anger, we turn now to an incident that occurred several years ago involving my brother, Sam, and his wife, Pat, when they were on a long car trip. After many hours on the road, they reached Charleston, S.C., where they were going to visit an old family friend. Pat was driving, and Sam was giving directions, and they got into an argument about the way he was giving them. (If you don't understand how such a petty issue could cause an argument, then you have never had a spouse.)
So Pat decided, OK, if Sam was so good at directions, then HE could drive the stupid car. She got out, slammed the front door, and opened the back door to get in the back with their 2-year-old son, Daniel. And then she decided, hey, why should she ride in the back, like a child? So she slammed the back door. But before she could open the front door, Sam, assuming she was in the car, drove off. Pat was left standing, all alone, at night, with no money, wearing a T-shirt and a miniskirt, in what turned out to be a very bad neighborhood.
''Hey, pretty lady!'' called a male voice.
Meanwhile, in the car, Sam was driving with great intensity and focus, reading street signs, making left turns and right turns, showing Pat (he thought) just how excellent his directions were. It was not until he had gone a considerable distance that he realized Pat was being very quiet.
''Pat?'' he said.
Silence.
''Daniel,'' said Sam, trying to sound as calm as possible, ``is Mommy back there?''
''No,'' said Daniel.
''OK, Daniel,'' said Sam, performing a high-speed turn. ''Just be calm.'' He immediately became lost.
Meanwhile, back in the bad neighborhood, Pat, walking briskly away from various admiring males, found a bus station with a pay phone, called 911, and explained where she was.
''Do NOT go outside,'' said the 911 person.
Meanwhile, Sam, driving frantically while reminding Daniel to stay calm, had located the general area where he'd left Pat. He saw a police officer, rushed up and quickly told him what had happened.
The officer said: ''You left your wife HERE?'' Without another word, the officer leaped into his patrol car and, tires squealing, roared off. Sam never saw him again.
Meanwhile, at the bus station, another officer, sent by the 911 person, had found Pat, who was explaining the situation.
''My husband and I were having a disagreement,'' she said, ``and ...''
''Oh,'' said the officer. ``A domestic.''
''No,'' said Pat. ``It's NOT a domestic. My husband just ...''
Another officer arrived.
''Hey,'' said the first officer. ``I got a domestic here.''
''It's NOT a domestic,'' said Pat.
Pat was taken to the police station, where the officer called the old family friend -- this being the only person Pat knew in Charleston -- and explained the situation.
''I got a Pat Barry here on a domestic,'' he said.
''IT'S NOT A DOMESTIC,'' said Pat, in the background.
Fortunately, Sam also called the old family friend, and he and Pat were reunited at the police station, where Pat graciously elected not to seek the death penalty. So everything worked out fine except that to this day Daniel becomes mildly concerned when Mommy gets out of the car.
Anyway, I hope Pat's and Sam's experience serves as a lesson to you spouses about the importance of not letting your anger fester and of using proven psychological techniques for dealing with conflict in your marriage. For example, on long car trips, one of you should ride in the trunk.
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published July 31, 1994.)
Today's topic for married people is: coping with anger.
Even so-called ''perfect couples'' experience conflict. Take Canada geese.
They mate for life, so people just assume they get along well; when people see a goose couple flying overhead, honking, they say, ''Oh, that's SO romantic.'' What these people don't realize is that honking is how geese argue. (''Are you SURE we're heading north?'' ''YES, dangit.'' ''Well, I think we should ask somebody.'' ) The only reason they mate for life is that they can't afford lawyers.
It's the same with humans. Even if you love somebody very much, you eventually discover that this person has irritating habits, such as leaving toenail clippings around the house as though they were little art displays; or not disposing of the potato-chip bag after eating everything in it except three salt molecules at the bottom; or secretly being also married to somebody else; or humming the song ''Horse With No Name''; or responding to every single statement you make -- including obviously factual ones, such as that Montpelier is the capital of Vermont -- by saying, ``Well, that's YOUR opinion.''
No matter how much you love your spouse, eventually the smooth, unblemished surface of your relationship will be marred by a small pimple of anger, which, if ignored, can grow into a major festering zit of rage that will explode and spew forth a really disgusting metaphor that I do not wish to pursue any further here. This is why you married couples need to learn to cope with your anger.
For an excellent example of a married couple coping with anger, we turn now to an incident that occurred several years ago involving my brother, Sam, and his wife, Pat, when they were on a long car trip. After many hours on the road, they reached Charleston, S.C., where they were going to visit an old family friend. Pat was driving, and Sam was giving directions, and they got into an argument about the way he was giving them. (If you don't understand how such a petty issue could cause an argument, then you have never had a spouse.)
So Pat decided, OK, if Sam was so good at directions, then HE could drive the stupid car. She got out, slammed the front door, and opened the back door to get in the back with their 2-year-old son, Daniel. And then she decided, hey, why should she ride in the back, like a child? So she slammed the back door. But before she could open the front door, Sam, assuming she was in the car, drove off. Pat was left standing, all alone, at night, with no money, wearing a T-shirt and a miniskirt, in what turned out to be a very bad neighborhood.
''Hey, pretty lady!'' called a male voice.
Meanwhile, in the car, Sam was driving with great intensity and focus, reading street signs, making left turns and right turns, showing Pat (he thought) just how excellent his directions were. It was not until he had gone a considerable distance that he realized Pat was being very quiet.
''Pat?'' he said.
Silence.
''Daniel,'' said Sam, trying to sound as calm as possible, ``is Mommy back there?''
''No,'' said Daniel.
''OK, Daniel,'' said Sam, performing a high-speed turn. ''Just be calm.'' He immediately became lost.
Meanwhile, back in the bad neighborhood, Pat, walking briskly away from various admiring males, found a bus station with a pay phone, called 911, and explained where she was.
''Do NOT go outside,'' said the 911 person.
Meanwhile, Sam, driving frantically while reminding Daniel to stay calm, had located the general area where he'd left Pat. He saw a police officer, rushed up and quickly told him what had happened.
The officer said: ''You left your wife HERE?'' Without another word, the officer leaped into his patrol car and, tires squealing, roared off. Sam never saw him again.
Meanwhile, at the bus station, another officer, sent by the 911 person, had found Pat, who was explaining the situation.
''My husband and I were having a disagreement,'' she said, ``and ...''
''Oh,'' said the officer. ``A domestic.''
''No,'' said Pat. ``It's NOT a domestic. My husband just ...''
Another officer arrived.
''Hey,'' said the first officer. ``I got a domestic here.''
''It's NOT a domestic,'' said Pat.
Pat was taken to the police station, where the officer called the old family friend -- this being the only person Pat knew in Charleston -- and explained the situation.
''I got a Pat Barry here on a domestic,'' he said.
''IT'S NOT A DOMESTIC,'' said Pat, in the background.
Fortunately, Sam also called the old family friend, and he and Pat were reunited at the police station, where Pat graciously elected not to seek the death penalty. So everything worked out fine except that to this day Daniel becomes mildly concerned when Mommy gets out of the car.
Anyway, I hope Pat's and Sam's experience serves as a lesson to you spouses about the importance of not letting your anger fester and of using proven psychological techniques for dealing with conflict in your marriage. For example, on long car trips, one of you should ride in the trunk.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Email Bankruptcy
by Pnina Baumgarten
One way to get through that excess of emails waiting for you at the beginning, middle and end of every day is to file for "email bankruptcy":
"Last month, venture capitalist Fred Wilson drew a lot of attention on the Internet when he declared a 21st century kind of bankruptcy. In a posting on his blog about technology, Wilson announced he was giving up on responding to all the e-mail piled up in his inbox.Link: E-Mail Reply to All: 'Leave Me Alone' - washingtonpost.com
"'I am so far behind on e-mail that I am declaring bankruptcy,' he wrote. 'If you've sent me an e-mail (and you aren't my wife, partner, or colleague), you might want to send it again. I am starting over.'
"The term 'e-mail bankruptcy' may have been coined as early as 1999..."
Monday's Lame Excuse Award goes to...
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Paris's House Arrest: Cupcakes, Visitors, Naps
With a media frenzy outside her home, Hilton rests and receives deliveries of gourmet treats
Paris Hilton traded in bologna sandwiches and a cold cell for Mrs. Beasley's cupcakes and the warmth of her palatial home amid a growing media circus outside her Hollywood mansion Thursday.
READ MORE ABOUT HER TERRIBLE SUFFERING
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Paris Hilton Out Of Jail Already
Heiress Will Be Confined To Her Home
Hilton was crying and couldn't sleep or eat. Hilton complained that her cell is "freezing cold." Hilton did have two visitors on her second day in jail -- her psychiatrist and her lawyer.
Buying Shoes
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
Husband at Wal-Mart
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart:
After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse.
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of Polident and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
5. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
7. September 23: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
9. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, "OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
Regards,
Wal-Mart
Woman arrested for making faces at dog
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Warning Signs of Unhealthy Stress
Dr. Cherry
In my last e-newsletter I talked about the types of stress - some good and some bad - that can affect us in different ways (acute stress, episodic acute stress and chronic stress.) And as I said, it's important to identify what type of stress we are experiencing in order to deal effectively with it and to recognize when stress has reached an unhealthy level.
When stress is at a reasonable level, we're able to cope with it and often feel better within a few days or even just a few hours. But sometimes stress can become overwhelming. So how can you tell if your stress level has crossed the line into the area of being unhealthy?
According to the National Mental Health Association, there are certain warning signs. If you're experiencing any of the following, you should take steps to lower your stress level: * Becoming excessively upset over disappointments.
* Feeling overly tired.
* Suffering from headaches and backaches.
* Constant dwelling on worries.
* Feeling like the things that were once enjoyable are no longer worth the effort.
Fortunately, for these times, God has provided us with natural herbs and nutrients from His plant kingdom that can help us effectively cope with stress. Among them are chamomile, eleuthero (known as Siberian ginseng) gotu kola, passionflower and magnolia bark - all of which help promote calmness and well-being without the unwanted side effects that a prescription or over-the-counter medication might produce, such as drowsiness or disrupted memory.
If stress in your life has become so severe that it interferes with your daily activities or affects your health, see your physician. There may be an underlying medical condition that needs proper treatment. If your doctor finds there isn't a physical problem, then I recommend that you try a daily nutritional supplement that includes the herbs that I mentioned, along with B vitamins (vitamins B5 and B6 in particular) and the mineral magnesium - all of which can be found in Stress Support.
For more information on Dr. Cherry's ministry, visit his Web site: http://www.AbundantNutrition.com
In my last e-newsletter I talked about the types of stress - some good and some bad - that can affect us in different ways (acute stress, episodic acute stress and chronic stress.) And as I said, it's important to identify what type of stress we are experiencing in order to deal effectively with it and to recognize when stress has reached an unhealthy level.
When stress is at a reasonable level, we're able to cope with it and often feel better within a few days or even just a few hours. But sometimes stress can become overwhelming. So how can you tell if your stress level has crossed the line into the area of being unhealthy?
According to the National Mental Health Association, there are certain warning signs. If you're experiencing any of the following, you should take steps to lower your stress level: * Becoming excessively upset over disappointments.
* Feeling overly tired.
* Suffering from headaches and backaches.
* Constant dwelling on worries.
* Feeling like the things that were once enjoyable are no longer worth the effort.
Fortunately, for these times, God has provided us with natural herbs and nutrients from His plant kingdom that can help us effectively cope with stress. Among them are chamomile, eleuthero (known as Siberian ginseng) gotu kola, passionflower and magnolia bark - all of which help promote calmness and well-being without the unwanted side effects that a prescription or over-the-counter medication might produce, such as drowsiness or disrupted memory.
If stress in your life has become so severe that it interferes with your daily activities or affects your health, see your physician. There may be an underlying medical condition that needs proper treatment. If your doctor finds there isn't a physical problem, then I recommend that you try a daily nutritional supplement that includes the herbs that I mentioned, along with B vitamins (vitamins B5 and B6 in particular) and the mineral magnesium - all of which can be found in Stress Support.
For more information on Dr. Cherry's ministry, visit his Web site: http://www.AbundantNutrition.com
Punnies
"I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Bill said, dolefully.
"I haven't caught a fish all day!" Mike said, without debate.
"I won't let a stupid flat tire let me down," Steve said, with despair.
"I keep banging my head on things," Marty said, bashfully.
"That is the second time my teacher changed my grade," Donna remarked.
"The fur is falling out of that mink coat," Steven inferred.
"That's the second electric shock that I've gotten today!" Stew said, revolted.
"I'll just have to send that telegram again," Samuel said, remorsefully.
"I've been sick and lost a lot of weight," Rachel expounded.
"I haven't caught a fish all day!" Mike said, without debate.
"I won't let a stupid flat tire let me down," Steve said, with despair.
"I keep banging my head on things," Marty said, bashfully.
"That is the second time my teacher changed my grade," Donna remarked.
"The fur is falling out of that mink coat," Steven inferred.
"That's the second electric shock that I've gotten today!" Stew said, revolted.
"I'll just have to send that telegram again," Samuel said, remorsefully.
"I've been sick and lost a lot of weight," Rachel expounded.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Friday, June 1, 2007
Bees clog passenger jet engine off British coast
LONDON — A thick cloud of bees was sucked into the engine of a passenger plane en route to Portugal, forcing the airline to abandon the trip and grounding passengers for 11 hours, a company executive said today.
David Skillicorn, managing director of Palmair, said the swarm was spotted off Britain's Bournemouth coast shortly before the Boeing 737 left on Thursday. "Some witnesses claimed there were around 20,000 bees," he said.
"The pilot experienced an engine surge about an hour into the flight," Skillicorn said. "He returned to Bournemouth and we found what appeared to be a large number of bees smeared inside the engine."
Around 200 passengers were delayed while the company carried out repairs and eventually replaced the aircraft, Skillicorn said.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Questions that haunt me...
From Nicole Garner
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME garbage, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME garbage, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
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