Carry A Flashlight

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin.

"Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight."

World's Smallest Multi-engine Airplane

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Definition: "Political Correctness"

from Joe Bouza

The winning entry from the annual contest that calls for the most 'appropriate definition' of a 'contemporary term'.

This year's term: Political Correctness

The winning definition:
Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

from Joe Bouza

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
   
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
   
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
   
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
   
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
   
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds"
   
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
   
8. dont use any punctuation
   
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
   
10. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
    
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
    
12. Sing along at the opera.
    
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
    
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
    
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Bottom".
    
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won!"
    
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
    
19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."