Saturday, March 31, 2007
President Bush Makes Fun of Himself
President Bush breaks out his standup routine at the White House correspondents dinner (March 29)
Friday, March 30, 2007
Plane Cleared From Runway After Scary Emergency Landing
Plane Cleared From Runway After Scary Emergency Landing - News: "More than 145 passengers and crew were on board when the plane landed without nose gear. Passengers said they could feel the metal nose of the plane grinding along the runway, all the way into their feet."
Early Adopter Download of the Day: Minimo (Windows Mobile)
Windows Mobile only: Previously mentioned freeware app Minimo is a mobile browser based on the same wonderful Mozilla technologies that bring us Firefox.
Minimo's come a long way since we last posted about it, and its strong feature set includes pretty good javascript/AJAX support and tabbed browsing that looks and feels like regular Firefox tabs. This little browser is still very young, and support for a lot of javascript and AJAX may end up being a bit too much for what you Windows Mobile device can handle while remaining snappy (at least it was for mine - Google Maps did work, but it was a little jumpy), but this is a nice looking mobile browser you might want to keep your eyes on. Like Firefox, Minimo claims to have extension support, but as far as I could find, there currently aren't any extensions available. Either way, it's a definite step up from the mobile version of Internet Explorer if that's what you're browsing with on your mobile device.
Living under the influence of the Weirdness Magnet
By DAVE BARRY
We need to find it, dig it up, and get rid of it.
I'm talking about the South Florida Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. It's buried around here somewhere. It has to be. How else can you explain why so many major freak-show news stories either happen, or end up, in South Florida?
O.J. Simpson, for example. Why is he here? Did anybody in South Florida ever say, ''Hey O.J.! Why don't you pack up your golf clubs, your one glove and your remaining cutlery, and come be part of our community!''? Of course not! Nobody WANTED him here. He was DRAWN here, by the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet.
Or consider the 2000 presidential election. In the rest of the nation, voters looked at their ballots, then picked either one presidential candidate or the other. Only here did a scarily large number of voters attempt to vote for either (a) none of the presidential candidates, or (b) ALL of the presidential candidates, or in some cases both (a) AND (b), thereby screwing up the entire election and causing a Level Five Lawyer Infestation from which we have yet to fully recover. What caused so many incompetent voters to clump together into one huge clueless mass? That would be your Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet.
Another example is the Miracle Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. Remember? Granted, the Virgin Mary has appeared on other food items. But only in Hollywood, Fla., did she appear on a grilled-cheese sandwich that was preserved by its owner, who (Why not?) kept it on her nightstand for more than 10 years -- during which she claims it did not develop mold -- and then (this is the miracle part) she sold it on eBay to a casino for $28,000. The casino also paid $5,999 for the pan. Please do not try to tell me that this could have happened in an area that was not being bombarded with powerful weirdness rays.
ONE AMONG MANY
There are many other South Florida phenomena that can only be explained by the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet, including the Versace slaying, the Elián González fiasco, Tim Hardaway and Donald Trump. The current example, it goes without saying, is the Anna Nicole Smith Corpse Battle and Freak-a-Palooza, now playing in Fort Lauderdale. Of COURSE it had to happen here. And of COURSE, instead of a thoughtful, dignified, decorous, mentally stable judge, we got an American Idol contestant -- sometimes sobbing like Dorothy when she had to say goodbye to the Scarecrow; sometimes firing off one-liners that he apparently thought were hilarious. Ha ha! Stop it, Judge, you Krazy Kourtroom Karacter!
No, really, Judge: stop it.
Anyway, the question is, what can we do about this? I don't mean the Anna Nicole Smith mess; that will continue metastasizing for a LONG time. Zsa Zsa Gabor -- Yes! Zsa Zsa! -- is already involved; it's only a matter of time before somehow, some way, we hear the words ``Kato Kaelin.''
No, it's too late to stop that. But maybe we can prevent this kind of thing from happening here again, by eliminating the cause of our problems. That's right: we need to get rid of the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet. But first, we have to figure out where it is.
I think I know. I figured it out scientifically.
CENTER OF WEIRD
Here's how: I took a map of South Florida, and I marked the locations of the major weird phenomena described in this column. Then I looked at this map in a scientific manner, considering both the location of each phenomenon, and its Weirdness Quotient. And then a chill ran down my spine as I realized where the magnet would have to be buried, to cause this particular weirdness pattern.
It's under the Golden Glades Interchange.
We have no choice. To get that thing out of there, to give this community hope for a normal, or at least less-weird, future, we need to demolish the Golden Glades as soon as possible, using either dynamite or -- if the wind is right -- nuclear explosives. Then we need to dig up the Giant Underground Weirdness Magnet and send it to some place that could use more weirdness, such as Cincinnati.
You're thinking: ``But Dave, what if we follow your plan, and the weirdness magnet isn't there? Then all we will have accomplished is the total destruction of the Golden Gl ... Oh, OK, never mind.''
Exactly. So come on, South Florida: Let's do this NOW, before things get any worse. For all we know, Kato is already heading this way.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Rosie: Captured Brits a hoax to provoke war
WorldNetDaily: Rosie: Captured Brits a hoax to provoke war: "In yet another provocative claim, TV host Rosie O'Donnell implied yesterday the Iranian seizure of British sailors was a hoax to provide President Bush with an excuse to go to war with Tehran."
Microsoft releases "Deepfish" browser for Windows Mobile
Oracle Announces Expiration of HSR Review
REDWOOD SHORES, Calif.,
Will the Trump-Do become a Trump-Not?
as they face off during a March 28 press conference in New York.
Trump vows to shave his head if WWE wrestler loses | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
World's tallest man marries
Bao Xishun, the world's tallest man, poses with his new wife Xia Shujian in Chifeng, in China's Inner Mongolia region, Monday, March 26, 2007. The two officially married on Monday. Bao, at 2.36 meters, is listed by the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's tallest man, while his wife is 1.68 meters tall.
World's tallest man marries - 03/28/2007 - MiamiHerald.com
Kid Wisdom
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Don't pull your dad's finger when he tells you to.
Never leave your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
What Not To Do With a $1.2M Car
LOS ANGELES - Maybe Eddie Griffin should leave the driving to his chauffeur.
The comedian destroyed a rare million-dollar Enzo Ferrari on Monday when he crashed it into a barricade while promoting a movie. He was unhurt in the low-speed incident, at Irwindale Speedway, about 20 miles east of Los Angeles.
"The brother's good at karate and all the rest of that, but the brother can't drive," Griffin told reporters.
He was practicing for a celebrity charity racing event tied to his upcoming film, "Redline."
The car, one of just 400 manufactured, belonged to the film's producer, Daniel Sadek. Sadek estimated that the car was worth $1.2 million, and seemed philosophical about the loss, saying he was just happy that Griffin was unharmed.
The real-estate investor has put up his own money for the $26 million picture, and allowed one of his two $200,000 Porsche Carreras to be destroyed for a scene in it.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Burial
One afternoon a little guy named Tim was in his backyard filling in a hole when his neighbor looked over the fence. Tim looked pretty upset so his neighbor politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?" With tears in his eyes the little guy said, "My goldfish died" and then without looking up he continue, "I just buried him." The neighbor then said, "Well, that's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" With that, Tim patted down the last heap of earth and said, "That's because he's inside your dumb cat."
Sign Language for Your Dentist
You know how hard it is to talk to your dentist when your teeth are being cleaned or you are getting a filling? Well, I decided I would make up a sort of sign language that you could use to express yourself without having to mumble.
Below are 10 common things you might wish to say, numbered 1-10. These would be printed on a poster and mounted on the ceiling above the dentist chair.
It would give you something to read since procedures can be boring. When a phrase seems appropriate, you would just hold up the corresponding number of fingers to express yourself. The dentist would not need to stop to ask you to repeat yourself and could fix the problem right away.
1. Everything is fine, but my nose itches.
2. When you get a chance, there seems to be spit running down my neck.
3. So, I guess you had garlic again for lunch today?
4. You realize that wasn't my tooth that you just poked with that incredibly sharp tool of yours.
5. I would REALLY prefer you didn't do that again.
6. Could you please suction the chunk of debris that you missed before I gag?
7. Remember how I said I was numb? I think I may have been mistaken.
8. Wait a minute -- maybe I am allergic to latex.
9. Just so you know, if I don't get to take a break soon, I may bite you.
10. Please stop asking me stupid questions about myself or I will take that paper mask off your face.
How Poor Sleep Habits Affect Your Health
According to the National Sleep Foundation, "Sleep deprivation has measurable negative effects on performance and physical and mental health. If you haven't had a good night's sleep, you're likely to pay for it. The price may be high: reduced energy, greater difficulty concentrating, diminished mood, and greater risk for accidents, including fall-asleep crashes. Work performance and relationships can suffer too. And pain may be intensified by the physical and mental consequences of lack of sleep."
So if you think that your sleep habits don't have an effect on your health, and that you are just fine with only a few hours sleep a night, you might want to consider this: Sleep experts say most adults, regardless of age, need between seven and nine hours a sleep each night for optimum performance, health and safety. And without adequate sleep, we put ourselves at increased risk. In fact, the National Sleep Foundation also states that "sleep deprivation has been linked to health problems such as obesity and high blood pressure, and negative mood and behavior."
Not getting enough sleep each night - or sleeping too much - may also increase your risk of developing type 2 diabetes, according to research conducted at Yale University and published in Diabetes Care. In the study, Dr. Henry Klar Yaggi and his colleagues studied the long-term (15-year) impact of sleep duration on the development of diabetes in more than 1,100 middle-aged and elderly men who were free of diabetes at the start of the study. They found that men getting no more than six hours of sleep per night, as well as those getting more than eight hours, were at significantly increased risk for developing diabetes, compared to men getting seven to eight hours of sleep each night. Specifically, "the risk of diabetes was roughly twofold higher in men reporting short sleep duration and more than threefold higher in those reporting long sleep duration," says Dr. Yaggi.
Orfeu Buxton, Ph.D., an instructor in medicine at Harvard Medical School, agrees: "Habitual sleep restriction could play a very important role in increasing risk for diabetes later in life, especially if maintained over many years and decades, much like a sedentary lifestyle or poor eating habits. It's not something that catches up with you in a week or in two weeks, but it's something that over decades can shorten your life."
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For more information on Dr. Cherry's ministry, visit his Web site: www.AbundantNutrition.com.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I've learned....
Andy Rooney
I've learned....
...that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
...that when you're in love, it shows.
...that just one person saying to me,"You've made my day!" makes my day.
...that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
...that being kind is more important than being right.
...that you should never say no to a gift from a child.
...that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
...that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
...that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
...that simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
...that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
...that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
...that money doesn't buy class.
...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
...that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
...that love, not time, heals all wounds.
...that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
...that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
...that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
...that life is tough, but I'm tougher.
...that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
...that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
...that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
...that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
...that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
...that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
...that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
...that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Oh, come on...
Groan...
Friday, March 23, 2007
Today's Stupid Criminal Award goes to...
Are you serious?!?
How to Turn Around a Bad Day at Work
Science: It's just not fair
"TODAY'S TOPIC FOR YOUNG PEOPLE IS: How To Do A School Science Fair Project."
Science: It's just not fair - 02/11/2007 - MiamiHerald.com
Alex DePue dazzles during Open Mic Night
For more Music go to: MySpace.com/alexdepue
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Schaub inks six-year, $48M deal with Texans
After the first three years, the Texans must pay Schaub a $10 million option bonus in March 2010 to trigger the final three seasons of the contract, or he becomes a free agent. This is the same Houston team, though, that paid the soon-to-be-discarded David Carr a "buy back" bonus of $8 million last spring to reinstate three years of his contract that had voided.
Utah girl, 13, out-stinks 'em all in rotten sneaker contest
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Grand Canyon Skywalk
The glass bridge is suspended 4,000 feet (1 219 meters) above the canyon. The bridge's walls and floor are built of glass 4 inches (10.2 cm) thick. The horseshoe shaped bridge protrudes 65 (20 meters) feet from the edge of the canyon. The Skywalk is able to hold 70 tons of weight, allowing for 800 people weighing 175 lbs. (80 kg) each to stand on the bridge. The allowed capacity, though, will be limited to only 120 persons. All visitors will be provided with shoe covers to protect them from slipping and to prevent scratching of the glass floor.
