Dysfunctional--But Useful--Affirmations

By Sharon O’Hara, M.A., LMFT

• Today's Affirmation: I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
  
• Today's Affirmation: I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
• Today's Affirmation: I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
• Today's Affirmation: In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
• Today's Affirmation: I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
• Today's Affirmation: I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
• Today's Affirmation: The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
• Today's Affirmation: Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
• Today's Affirmation: Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
• Today's Affirmation: Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging?
• Today's Affirmation: Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
• Today's Affirmation: False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
• Today's Affirmation: A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
• Today's Affirmation: Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
• Today's Affirmation: Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
• Today's Affirmation: I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
• Today's Affirmation: The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.