Think Punctuation Isn't Important?

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on
this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Christmas '08 Photos!

Islamic World - How It Grows

Islam is not a religion, nor is it a cult. In it's fullest form, it is a complete, total, 100% system of life.

Islam has religious, legal, political, economic, social, and military components. The religious component is a beard for all of the other components.

Islamization begins when there are sufficient Muslims in a country to agitate for their religious privileges.

When politically correct, tolerant, and culturally diverse societies agree to Muslim demands for their religious privileges, some of the other components tend to creep in as well. Here's how it works.

As long as the Muslim population remains around or under 2% in any given country, they will be for the most part be regarded as a peace-loving minority, and not as a threat to other citizens.

This is the case in:

• United States – Muslim 0.6%
• Australia – Muslim 1.5%
• Canada – Muslim 1.9%
• China – Muslim 1.8%
• Italy – Muslim 1.5%
• Norway – Muslim 1.8%

At 2% to 5%, they begin to proselytize from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups, often with major recruiting from the jails and among street gangs.

This is happening in:

• Denmark – Muslim 2%
• Germany – Muslim 3.7%
• United Kingdom – Muslim 2.7%
• Spain – Muslim 4%
• Thailand – Muslim 4.6%

From 5% on, they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population. For example, they will push for the introduction of halal (clean by Islamic standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Muslims. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature halal on their shelves – along with threats for failure to comply.

This is occurring in:

• France – Muslim 8%
• Philippines – Muslim 5%
• Sweden – Muslim 5%
• Switzerland – Muslim 4.3%
• The Netherlands – Muslim 5.5%
• Trinidad & Tobago – Muslim 5.8%

At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves (within their ghettos) under Sharia, the Islamic Law. The ultimate goal of Islamists is to establish Sharia law over the entire world.

When Muslims approach 10% of the population, they tend to increase lawlessness as a means of complaint about their conditions. In Paris, we are already seeing car-burnings. Any non-Muslim action offends Islam, and results in uprisings and threats, such as in Amsterdam, with opposition to Mohammed cartoons and films about Islam.

Such tensions are seen daily, particularly in Muslim sections, in:

• Guyana – Muslim 10%
• India – Muslim 13.4%
• Israel – Muslim 16%
• Kenya – Muslim 10%
• Russia – Muslim 15%

After reaching 20%, nations can expect hair-trigger rioting, jihad militia formations, sporadic killings, and the burnings of Christian churches and Jewish synagogues, such as in:

• Ethiopia – Muslim 32.8%

At 40%, nations experience widespread massacres, chronic terror attacks, and ongoing militia warfare,
such as in:

• Bosnia – Muslim 40%
• Chad – Muslim 53.1%
• Lebanon – Muslim 59.7%

From 60%, nations experience unfettered persecution of non-believers of all other religions (including non-conforming Muslims), sporadic ethnic cleansing (genocide), use of Sharia Law as a weapon, and Jizya, the tax placed on infidels, such as in:

• Albania – Muslim 70%
• Malaysia – Muslim 60.4%
• Qatar – Muslim 77.5%
• Sudan – Muslim 70%

After 80%, expect daily intimidation and violent jihad, some State-run ethnic cleansing, and even some genocide, as these nations drive out the infidels, and move toward 100% Muslim, such as has been experienced and in some ways is on-going in:

• Bangladesh – Muslim 83%
• Egypt – Muslim 90%
• Gaza – Muslim 98.7%
• Indonesia – Muslim 86.1%
• Iran – Muslim 98%
• Iraq – Muslim 97%
• Jordan – Muslim 92%
• Morocco – Muslim 98.7%
• Pakistan – Muslim 97%
• Palestine – Muslim 99%
• Syria – Muslim 90%
• Tajikistan – Muslim 90%
• Turkey – Muslim 99.8%
• United Arab Emirates – Muslim 96%

100% will usher in the peace of 'Dar-es-Salaam' – the Islamic House of Peace. Here there's supposed to be peace, because everybody is a Muslim, the Madrasses are the only schools, and the Koran is the only word, such as in:

• Afghanistan – Muslim 100%
• Saudi Arabia – Muslim 100%
• Somalia – Muslim 100%
• Yemen – Muslim 100%

Unfortunately, peace is never achieved, as in these 100% states the most radical Muslims intimidate and spew hatred, and satisfy their blood lust by killing less radical Muslims, for a variety of reasons.

'Before I was nine I had learned the basic canon of Arab life. It was me against my brother; me and my brother against our father; my family against my cousins and the clan; the clan against the tribe; the tribe against the world, and all of us against the infidel.
– Leon Uris, 'The Haj'

It is important to understand that in some countries, with well under 100% Muslim populations, such as France, the minority Muslim populations live in ghettos, within which they are 100% Muslim, and within which they live by Sharia Law. The national police do not even enter these ghettos. There are no national courts nor schools nor non-Muslim religious facilities. In such situations, Muslims do not integrate into the community at large. The children attend madrasses. They learn only the Koran. To even associate with an infidel is a crime punishable with death. Therefore, in some areas of certain nations, Muslim Imams and extremists exercise more power than the national average would indicate.

Today's 1.5 billion Muslims make up 22% of the world's population. But their birth rates dwarf the birth rates of Christians, Hindus, Buddists, and Jews, and all other believers. Muslims will exceed 50% of the world's population by the end of this century.

Adapted from Dr. Peter Hammond's book: "Slavery, Terrorism and Islam: The Historical Roots and Contemporary Threat"

http://www.slantright.com/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1181

http://www.urbanswirl.com/component/option,com_fireboard/Itemid,26/func,view/catid,22/id,834/

How to Attend a Meeting

by Dave Barry

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is
sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it
involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you
should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my
job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant
governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do
crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs, however, will
require some work.

There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:

1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and
2. Going to meetings.

Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving
primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible,
because that's where the real prestige is. It is all very
well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are
never going to get a position of power, a position where you
can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single
bonehead decision, unless you learn how to attend meetings.

The first meeting ever was held back in the Mezzanine Era.
In those days, Man's job was to slay his prey and bring it
home for Woman, who had to figure out how to cook it. The
problem was, Man was slow and basically naked, whereas the
prey had warm fur and could run like an antelope. (In fact
it was an antelope, only nobody knew this).

At last someone said, "Maybe if we just sat down and did
some brainstorming, we could come up with a better way to
hunt our prey!" It went extremely well, plus it was much
warmer sitting in a circle, so they agreed to meet again the
next day, and the next.

But the women pointed out that, prey-wise, the men had not
produced anything, and the human race was pretty much
starving. The men agreed that was serious and said they
would put it right near the top of their "agenda." At this
point, the women, who were primitive but not stupid, started
eating plants, and thus modern agriculture was born. It
never would have happened without meetings.

The modern business meeting, however, might better be
compared with a funeral, in the sense that you have a
gathering of people who are wearing uncomfortable clothing
and would rather be somewhere else. The major difference is
that most funerals have a definite purpose. Also, nothing is
really ever buried in a meeting.

An idea may look dead, but it will always reappear at
another meeting later on. If you have ever seen the movie,
"Night of the Living Dead," you have a rough idea of how
modern meetings operate, with projects and proposals that
everyone thought were killed rising up constantly from their
graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the brains of
the living.

There are two major kinds of meetings:

1. Meetings that are held for basically the same reason that
Arbor Day is observed - namely, tradition. For example, a
lot of managerial people like to meet on Monday, because
it's Monday. You'll get used to it. You'd better, because
this kind accounts for 83% of all meetings (based on a study
in which I wrote down numbers until one of them looked about
right). This type of meeting operates the way "Show and
Tell" does in nursery school, with everyone getting to say
something, the difference being that in nursery school, the
kids actually have something to say.

When it's your turn, you should say that you're still
working on whatever it is you're supposed to be working on.
This may seem pretty dumb, since obviously you'd be working
on whatever you're supposed to be working on, and even if
you weren't, you'd claim you were, but that's the
traditional thing for everyone to say. It would be a lot
faster if the person running the meeting would just say,
"Everyone who is still working on what he or she is supposed
to be working on, raise your hand." You'd be out of there in
five minutes, even allowing for jokes. But this is not how
we do it in America. My guess is, it's how they do it in
Japan.

2. Meetings where there is some alleged purpose. These are
trickier, because what you do depends on what the purpose
is. Sometimes the purpose is harmless, like someone wants to
show slides of pie charts and give everyone a big, fat
report. All you have to do in this kind of meeting is sit
there and have elaborate fantasies, then take the report
back to your office and throw it away, unless, of course,
you're a vice president, in which case you write the name of
a subordinate in the upper right hand corner, followed by a
question mark, like this: "Norm?" Then you send it to Norm
and forget all about it (although it will plague Norm for
the rest of his career).

But sometimes you go to meetings where the purpose is to get
your "input" on something. This is very serious because what
it means is, they want to make sure that in case whatever it
is turns out to be stupid or fatal,you'll get some of the
blame, so you have to escape from the meeting before they
get around to asking you anything. One way is to set fire to
your tie.

Another is to have an accomplice interrupt the meeting and
announce that you have a phone call from someone very
important, such as the president of the company or the Pope.
It should be one or the other. It would a sound fishy if the
accomplice said, "You have a call from the president of the
company, or the Pope."

You should know how to take notes at a meeting. Use a yellow
legal pad. At the top, write the date and underline it
twice. Now wait until an important person, such as your
boss, starts talking; when he does, look at him with an
expression of enraptured interest, as though he is revealing
the secrets of life itself. Then write interlocking
rectangles like this: (picture of doodled rectangles).

If it is an especially lengthy meeting, you can try
something like this (Picture of more elaborate doodles and a
caricature of the boss).

If somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else
leave the room. Then collect a group of total strangers,
right off the street, and have them sit around the sleeping
person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to him,
"Bob, your plan is very, very risky. However, you've given
us no choice but to try it. I only hope, for your sake, that
you know what you're getting yourself into." Then they
should file quietly out of the room.

'Twas the night before elections

'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!

I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!

'On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi'
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

The Centipede...

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 leg bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, 'would you like to go to Frank's place wi th me and have a beer?

But there was no answer from his new Pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, 'How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?' but again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more tim e. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, 'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box: 'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my damn shoes on!'

Chris Bliss - Juggling Finale

Chris Bliss juggles to the Beatles' songs "Golden Slumbers" and "Carry That Weight".

Bianca Ryan - 11-Year-old Singing Sensation

Bianca Ryan (born 1994) is a singer from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania who is a finalist on NBC's America's Got Talent.

When she auditioned she sang Jennifer Holliday's "And I'm Telling You (I'm Not Going)", surprising the crowd and the judges with her impressive voice, unusual for an 11-year old child.

After performing "Piece of My Heart", barefoot a la Janis Joplin, at the semi-finals, Bianca was announced the viewers' choice that week on America's Got Talent, and went on to win the million dollar finale.

Our Founding Illegals

A Trip Through Costco - with Jimmy Kimmel

Google 411

Google's new 411 service is free, fast and easy to use. Give it a try now and see how simple it is to find and connect with local businesses for free.

21 Tips for Today

Sent by Lauren:

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't:

• ...believe all you hear;
• ...spend all you have; or
• ...sleep all you want.
  

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX . Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream.. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know? '

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson!

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's:

• Respect for self;
• Respect for others; and
• responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

What Chefs do when they are bored

A Roadmap to Spectacular GTD Failure

Brett Kelly

• Do your weekly review when you’re damn good and ready - Make sure to never even attempt to schedule a regular time for your weekly review. Friday afternoon, Saturday night, Wednesday during lunch. You’re a busy person with a dynamic life - you clearly can’t be expected to block out 1-2 hours per week!
• Give your projects really ambiguous, confusing names - A few good examples might be “kitchen” or “make more money”. After all, you’ll look at “kitchen” and clearly know exactly what that means and what you need to do about it. All this stuff about how your brain is unreliable is a bunch of bull! I don’t recall hearing about how Einstein did GTD, do you?
• Make sure your never know when a project is done - Because you’ll know when you can fill in the checkbox next to “Be a better person”, right? I mean, come on, there has to be some little contentedness switch in my head once I’ve crossed this line.
• Don’t practice GTD at home - Your work is serious business. That’s where you make your money, that’s where the advancement, hell it’s the source of most of what makes your life work! What do I care if my house looks like a toy factory and a book factory got into an Epic Battle right in the middle of it? My personal life is a snap compared to work, I don’t need any help there, thanks… sheesh…
• Make sure your filing system consists of unholy amounts of papers and crap strewn around your entire physical life - My office is too full of stuff to make room for a filing cabinet! I’ve had this “unorthodox” filing system for years and it’s only let me down… well, a couple of times. But who has the time to organize when you have as much stuff as I do!
• Never keep a pen and paper on your person - If I get stopped in the hallway by a coworker, they need to realize that I can’t be expected to take serious note of those types of conversations. I have a desk, email, voicemail and an (overflowing) in-basket for a reason. What, should I take out my hipster PDA while I’m taking a leak just because I happen to have an idea?
• “My email inbox is my to-do list” - I’m perfectly fine having an email from my wife about cupcakes right along side an email from my boss about a new acquisition. They’re all projects, right? I know what to do with them when I see them - and if I have time, I do it! Besides, every single thing I’m responsible for comes through my email! Well, except for phone calls. Oh, and voicemails. Oh, and…

Stay Efficient

"It's easy to overestimate how much you can do in a year but underestimate how much you can do in five."

National Geographic's "Amazing Eats"

Nasty...just nasty.

My Next Set of "Wheels"

Driving's Do's & Don'ts

FedEx "on the road" marketing

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