Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Ten Reasons to Buy Windows Vista
Ten Reasons to Buy Windows Vista: "And a few reasons to think twice before upgrading."
Why We Homeschool
abc13.com: Greased, naked student disrupts lunch: "A high school lunch period was disrupted Monday by a greased, naked student who ran around screaming and flailing his arms until police twice used a stun gun on him, authorities said."
Why We Homeschool
abc13.com: Galveston teacher under investigation for inappropriate conduct: "Galveston teacher under investigation for inappropriate conduct"
Why We Homeschool
HOUSTON METRO | KHOU.com | News for Houston, Texas: "HISD educator says student attacked him"
Tired Mom
Sent in to Crosswalk.com from a tired mom...
I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years.
The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?"
"Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets."
I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years.
The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?"
"Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
There is nothing like a male (guys)
By DAVE BARRY
This classic Dave Barry column was originally published May 12, 1996.
Today we present another part of our ongoing series, ''Stuff That Guys Do.''
Our first example of guys doing stuff comes from the University of Washington Daily, which recently published a report written by Jeremy Simer and sent in by alert reader Donna Bellinger, headlined, ''Fraternity Game Turns Into Arrest.'' What happened, according to this report, was that some guys were up on the roof of the Theta Delta Chi fraternity house, and, as guys will do when they spend any time together in an elevated location, they began sharing their innermost feelings.
I am, of course, kidding. These guys, being guys, began dropping things off the roof, starting with smaller items, and eventually escalating -- this is when the police were summoned -- to a chair and a rowing machine.
A fraternity member is quoted as follows: ''We're frat guys. What can you say?''
Far be it from me to indulge in sex stereotyping here, but I am willing to bet that the reaction of you readers to this story is divided along gender lines, as follows:
FEMALE REACTION: ''Why would anybody do anything so stupid?''
MALE REACTION: ''A rowing machine! Cool!''
The simple truth is that guys have this overpowering urge to watch stuff fall and crash. If you ever see an inappropriate object, such as a piano, hurtling toward the Earth from a great height, you can be virtually certain that guys are responsible.
Ask yourself this question: If you were standing in the middle of a bridge spanning a magnificent wilderness gorge, at the bottom of which was a spectacular whitewater river, what would you do?
FEMALE RESPONSE: Admire the view.
MALE RESPONSE: Spit.
Yes, the truth is that there are few things that a guy enjoys more than proudly watching a gob of spit -- his spit; spit that he produced -- falling a tremendous distance. This is a male impulse that females frankly cannot relate to, just as males cannot relate to the female impulse to go into greeting-card stores and spend hours shopping for greeting cards even when there is no particular occasion or person you need to send a greeting card to, which is what women frequently do when guys are out spitting.
I am not suggesting here that all guys ever do is drop stuff. Sometimes they also throw stuff, and sometimes this can lead to trouble. I have in my possession an official U.S. government memorandum, sent to me by an alert but anonymous reader, that was written by Paul E. Thompson, acting director, Western Region, Inspection Operations, Food and Safety Inspection Service, U.S. Department of Agriculture.
Here is the first paragraph of this memorandum, which I absolutely swear I am not making up:
'This is to remind all personnel of the danger and inadvisability of engaging in activities commonly referred to as 'Horseplay.' A few examples of horseplay include, but are not limited to: throwing spleens, squirting water and flipping lymph nodes.''
In professional journalism, we have an old saying that we frequently say, which goes like this: ''You do not print a story about federal employees engaging in horseplay involving spleens or lymph nodes without making a sincere effort to get the other side.'' So I contacted the USDA's Western Region office, which is located -- and let this be a lesson to those who claim that the federal government is poorly managed -- in the West.
I spoke with Dr. Bruce Kaplan, a public affairs specialist, who explained that, ''on rare occasions,'' poultry and meat inspectors, as well as plant employees, will become bored and flip meat and poultry organs at each other.
(He did not specifically state that these were guys doing this, but some things go without saying.)
''In the poultry plants, they will flip spleens,'' explained Dr. Kaplan. ''In the red-meat plants, they will flip lymph nodes.''
Dr. Kaplan stressed that ''there is absolutely no danger in terms of food safety.'' The problem, he said, is the safety of plant workers: ''When they walk on the floor where these organs fall, they could slip.''
In hopes of making the public more aware of the potential danger, I asked Dr. Kaplan to describe a poultry spleen.
''These are little small spleens,'' he explained. ''They're tiny little slippery spleens.''
I think we can draw several conclusions from this story:
1. First and foremost, ''Slippery Spleens'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
2. Although it has become fashionable to knock ''big government,'' we must not forget that, without the quick and decisive action by the USDA in the form of acting director Thompson's memorandum, the ordinary public, in the form of food-plant workers, would have no protection from the threat of slipping on organs flipped by USDA inspectors.
3. If the USDA ever has a shortage of inspectors, it should definitely consider recruiting members of Theta Delta Chi.
This classic Dave Barry column was originally published May 12, 1996.
Today we present another part of our ongoing series, ''Stuff That Guys Do.''
Our first example of guys doing stuff comes from the University of Washington Daily, which recently published a report written by Jeremy Simer and sent in by alert reader Donna Bellinger, headlined, ''Fraternity Game Turns Into Arrest.'' What happened, according to this report, was that some guys were up on the roof of the Theta Delta Chi fraternity house, and, as guys will do when they spend any time together in an elevated location, they began sharing their innermost feelings.
I am, of course, kidding. These guys, being guys, began dropping things off the roof, starting with smaller items, and eventually escalating -- this is when the police were summoned -- to a chair and a rowing machine.
A fraternity member is quoted as follows: ''We're frat guys. What can you say?''
Far be it from me to indulge in sex stereotyping here, but I am willing to bet that the reaction of you readers to this story is divided along gender lines, as follows:
FEMALE REACTION: ''Why would anybody do anything so stupid?''
MALE REACTION: ''A rowing machine! Cool!''
The simple truth is that guys have this overpowering urge to watch stuff fall and crash. If you ever see an inappropriate object, such as a piano, hurtling toward the Earth from a great height, you can be virtually certain that guys are responsible.
Ask yourself this question: If you were standing in the middle of a bridge spanning a magnificent wilderness gorge, at the bottom of which was a spectacular whitewater river, what would you do?
FEMALE RESPONSE: Admire the view.
MALE RESPONSE: Spit.
Yes, the truth is that there are few things that a guy enjoys more than proudly watching a gob of spit -- his spit; spit that he produced -- falling a tremendous distance. This is a male impulse that females frankly cannot relate to, just as males cannot relate to the female impulse to go into greeting-card stores and spend hours shopping for greeting cards even when there is no particular occasion or person you need to send a greeting card to, which is what women frequently do when guys are out spitting.
I am not suggesting here that all guys ever do is drop stuff. Sometimes they also throw stuff, and sometimes this can lead to trouble. I have in my possession an official U.S. government memorandum, sent to me by an alert but anonymous reader, that was written by Paul E. Thompson, acting director, Western Region, Inspection Operations, Food and Safety Inspection Service, U.S. Department of Agriculture.
Here is the first paragraph of this memorandum, which I absolutely swear I am not making up:
'This is to remind all personnel of the danger and inadvisability of engaging in activities commonly referred to as 'Horseplay.' A few examples of horseplay include, but are not limited to: throwing spleens, squirting water and flipping lymph nodes.''
In professional journalism, we have an old saying that we frequently say, which goes like this: ''You do not print a story about federal employees engaging in horseplay involving spleens or lymph nodes without making a sincere effort to get the other side.'' So I contacted the USDA's Western Region office, which is located -- and let this be a lesson to those who claim that the federal government is poorly managed -- in the West.
I spoke with Dr. Bruce Kaplan, a public affairs specialist, who explained that, ''on rare occasions,'' poultry and meat inspectors, as well as plant employees, will become bored and flip meat and poultry organs at each other.
(He did not specifically state that these were guys doing this, but some things go without saying.)
''In the poultry plants, they will flip spleens,'' explained Dr. Kaplan. ''In the red-meat plants, they will flip lymph nodes.''
Dr. Kaplan stressed that ''there is absolutely no danger in terms of food safety.'' The problem, he said, is the safety of plant workers: ''When they walk on the floor where these organs fall, they could slip.''
In hopes of making the public more aware of the potential danger, I asked Dr. Kaplan to describe a poultry spleen.
''These are little small spleens,'' he explained. ''They're tiny little slippery spleens.''
I think we can draw several conclusions from this story:
1. First and foremost, ''Slippery Spleens'' would be an excellent name for a rock band.
2. Although it has become fashionable to knock ''big government,'' we must not forget that, without the quick and decisive action by the USDA in the form of acting director Thompson's memorandum, the ordinary public, in the form of food-plant workers, would have no protection from the threat of slipping on organs flipped by USDA inspectors.
3. If the USDA ever has a shortage of inspectors, it should definitely consider recruiting members of Theta Delta Chi.
Baby Boomer Hit Parade!
It's been fun being a baby boomer ... until now. Some of the artists of the '50s and'60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:
1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.
7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver .
8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade Of Hair.
11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
12. The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
13. Abba--- Denture Queen.
14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
16. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
17. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again
1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.
7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver .
8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade Of Hair.
11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
12. The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
13. Abba--- Denture Queen.
14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
16. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
17. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again
I love lawyers
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million dollars. His bookkeeper is deaf and that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper and the bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper 's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper and the bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper 's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
Monday, January 29, 2007
PC Gadget: "Do you know the time?"
From Kim Komando
You probably don't think much about your computer clock. But you rely on it more than you realize.
However, the Windows clock is a little ho-hum. Sure, it will show you a calendar when you double-click it. That’s about it, though.
If you want more power from your clock, download AlfaClock Classic. This free program gives you a handy boost.
You can customize the display of the clock. You can also set reminders – which is good for those who love to surf. It can even read you the time!
You probably don't think much about your computer clock. But you rely on it more than you realize.
However, the Windows clock is a little ho-hum. Sure, it will show you a calendar when you double-click it. That’s about it, though.
If you want more power from your clock, download AlfaClock Classic. This free program gives you a handy boost.
You can customize the display of the clock. You can also set reminders – which is good for those who love to surf. It can even read you the time!
Urban Legends: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"
The claim that some comestible is but a "single molecule away" from being a decidedly inedible (or even toxic) substance has been applied to a variety of processed foods. These types of statements (even if they were true) are essentially meaningless. Many disparate substances share similar chemical properties, but even the slightest variation in molecular structure can make a world of difference in the qualities of those substances.
http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/butter.asp
http://www.snopes.com/food/warnings/butter.asp
Urban Legends Reference Pages: Oil of Olé
Claim: Ordinary use of Canola oil is dangerous to consumers.
Status: False.
Urban Legends Reference Pages: Canola Oil
Status: False.
Urban Legends Reference Pages: Canola Oil
Struggling to sleep?
From www.heartwiseministries.org
SLEEP IS VERY important to the body. Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep. Even animals require different amounts of sleep. A giraffe sleeps an average of 1.9 hours a day, but a brown bat spends 19.9 hours a day asleep. Can you imagine spending 83 percent of your time asleep? We do spend up to one-third of our lives asleep, however; yet few of us spend all of our sleep time doing it well. Sixty million Americans suffer from insomnia, yet the FDA recommends using sleeping pills for only two weeks or less. What is the answer? Here are a few suggestions:
SLEEP IS VERY important to the body. Not everyone needs the same amount of sleep. Even animals require different amounts of sleep. A giraffe sleeps an average of 1.9 hours a day, but a brown bat spends 19.9 hours a day asleep. Can you imagine spending 83 percent of your time asleep? We do spend up to one-third of our lives asleep, however; yet few of us spend all of our sleep time doing it well. Sixty million Americans suffer from insomnia, yet the FDA recommends using sleeping pills for only two weeks or less. What is the answer? Here are a few suggestions:
- Keep the stomach empty four hours before going to bed. When you eat, the stomach is not resting. Acid is being formed to digest food, and sometimes this acid reflexes back into the esophagus and causes problems
- Avoid stimulants. This may include caffeine, which can last up to 20 hours in the body. Also, Television can keep the mind revved up. Try to keep the mind relaxed. Read the Bible and pray before sleeping.
- Get more exercise. This will make you more tired.
- Keep the room dark. Darkness stimulates the production of melatonin from the pineal gland. This is the substance God made which helps us sleep naturally
- Laugh. This promotes endorphins, which counteract stress hormones and relax our muscles.
- Avoid anger. Ephesians 4:26 advises us, ''Do not let the sun go down on your wrath'' (NKJV).
Chili Judge
Copyright 1997 W. Bruce Cameron Please do not remove the copyright from this essay
Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my Community to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came.
I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're an Internet writer and therefore known and adored by all.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my Community to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came.
I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted this as being one of those burdens you endure when you're an Internet writer and therefore known and adored by all.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
- JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
- JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.
- CAMERON: Holy smokes, what is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
- JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
- JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
- CAMERON: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. The barmaid looks like a professional wrestler after a bad night. She was so irritated over my gagging sounds that the snake tattoo under her eye started to twitch. She has arms like Popeye and a face like Winston Churchill. I will NOT pick a fight with her.
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
- JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
- JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
- CAMERON: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been sneezing Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. She said her friends call her "Sally." Probably behind her back they call her "Forklift."
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
- JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
- JUDGE TWO: A hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
- CAMERON: I felt something scraping across my tongue but was unable to taste it. Sally was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. When she winked at me her snake sort of coiled and uncoiled—it's kinda cute.
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
- JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
- JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
- CAMERON: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I belched and four people in front of me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
- JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
- JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
- CAMERON: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I asked if she wants to go dancing later.
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
- JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
- JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am a bit worried about Judge Number 3, he appears to be in a bit of distress.
- CAMERON: You could put a hand grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good, at autopsy they'll know what killed me. Go Sally, save yourself before it's too late. Tell our children I'm sorry I was not there to conceive them. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just let it in through the hole in my stomach. Call the X-Files people and tell them I've found a super nova on my tongue.
Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
- JUDGE ONE: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself.
- JUDGE TWO: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
- CAMERON: Momma?
Why We Homeschool
Pills handed out 'like candy' hospitalize students | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle: "Drugs, including Xanax, were passed out 'like candy', police say"
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Bosses behaving badly
Bosses behaving badly: "Bosses behaving badly
The mind-boggling mishaps that took place in the executive - and hotel - suite."
The mind-boggling mishaps that took place in the executive - and hotel - suite."
101 Dumbest Moments in Business
101 Dumbest Moments in Business : "The year's biggest boors, buffoons, and blunderers"
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Sunrise in Seattle
Sunrise in Seattle
Originally uploaded by JetMan777.
Waking up in Bellevue WA before heading over the pass to Cle Elum
Airline pilot is stricken after takeoff, dies - CNN.com
Airline pilot is stricken after takeoff, dies - CNN.com: "The pilot of a Continental Airlines flight became ill after takeoff and was later pronounced dead after the plane made an emergency landing, a company spokeswoman said."
Friday, January 19, 2007
Office Vocabulary
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit Cityatosis.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."
GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale, my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit Cityatosis.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions. Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what city we were in."
GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale, my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Buying a Computer for Vista ... and Beyond
Buying a Computer for Vista ... and Beyond:
"If most accounts are to be believed, Vista is a frightening monster that will place more demands on your hardware than any other operating system you've ever encountered. "
"If most accounts are to be believed, Vista is a frightening monster that will place more demands on your hardware than any other operating system you've ever encountered. "
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