Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Find Value in Your Financial Mistakes
Mary Hunt
Have you made any mistakes lately? Want to talk about it? Most people don't. Can't say that I blame them.
It's embarrassing.
When the mistake is a real boner, well that's something you hope to never think about again. And that's a mistake.
Take that fire in my kitchen. It all boiled down to a small mistake-an error in judgment. Setting a skillet of oil over a hot burner then heading for the garage for just a moment to tell your husband that lunch will be ready in five minutes only to be distracted by the arrival of your son and getting caught up in a funny story, well, that's a mistake.
It's not like I intentionally attempted to burn the house down. But had I not learned that it doesn't work to leave hot oil to take care of itself, it is likely I would have tried it again.
Mistakes are useful because they teach us what doesn't work.
While we're on this subject of things that do not work, let us also review the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
I've accumulated my list of mistakes over many years. It's like a trophy now-a specific compilation of things that I have proven that simply do not work.
Take a peek:
It doesn't work to be in a supermarket without a plan.
Walking into the grocery store without a plan-for me that means a specific list, coupons and cash-is a terrible mistake. I know me. Without my "crutches" I am a $200 mistake just waiting to happen. And if I'm hungry? Make that $300.
It doesn't work to buy extended warranties on appliances.
Statistically, if an appliance is going to fail it will do so in the first 90 days (the product comes with a warranty to cover this time frame) or after five years (extended warranties aren't that extended). For the record a laptop computer is an exception to this mistake. Laptops fail routinely, trust me.
It doesn't work to lease a car.
And it really doesn't work to roll the shortfall and extra charges at the end of the lease into another lease. To repeat this mistake over and again for no less than 22 years straight is to come dangerously close to insanity.
It doesn't work to buy a 7,000- gallon blow-up swimming pool.
Actually I didn't even know such a thing existed so I can't even say it was something we needed. Standing there in the middle of the Home Show I managed to pull off the impulse purchase of the century (thankfully, it was in the last century). That was a mistake that just kept on giving lessons to be learned until the day several years later we begged Goodwill to just take it away. Please.
Here's the larger lesson I learned from that detour into stupidity:
A true need is never realized while standing in the aisle at Costco, Bloomingdales, Any Home Show, Wal-Mart, Nordstrom or fill in the blank.
If you need something you know you need it before you walk into the store. It is not a discovery you make after you arrive.
It doesn't work to carry more than $100 cash.
Carrying a single $100 bill is a great deterrent for overspending. You don't feel broke, but it's a bill you hate to break. It is also the tipping point. More than $100 is dangerous. For me it creates a feeling of excess that burns a hole in my wallet. It disappears.
It doesn't work to live on credit.
When it comes to mistakes, depending on credit to bridge the gap between what you earn and what you spend is a big one. Debt is a terrible liar, insisting that while you don't have the money today, you'll have it next month. Or the next. Debt keeps you stuck in the past, always stealing from the future.
Debt is reversible, thankfully-provided you don't do it over and over expecting that eventually, somehow you will get different results.
That would be insane.
"The Cheapskate Monthly" was founded in 1992 by Mary Hunt. What began as a newsletter to encourage and empower people to break free from the bondage of consumer debt has grown into a huge community of ordinary people who have achieved remarkable success in their quest to effectively manage their money and stay out of debt. Today, "The Cheapskate Monthly" is read by close to 100,000 Cheapskates. Click here to subscribe.
Have you made any mistakes lately? Want to talk about it? Most people don't. Can't say that I blame them.
It's embarrassing.
When the mistake is a real boner, well that's something you hope to never think about again. And that's a mistake.
Take that fire in my kitchen. It all boiled down to a small mistake-an error in judgment. Setting a skillet of oil over a hot burner then heading for the garage for just a moment to tell your husband that lunch will be ready in five minutes only to be distracted by the arrival of your son and getting caught up in a funny story, well, that's a mistake.
It's not like I intentionally attempted to burn the house down. But had I not learned that it doesn't work to leave hot oil to take care of itself, it is likely I would have tried it again.
Mistakes are useful because they teach us what doesn't work.
While we're on this subject of things that do not work, let us also review the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
I've accumulated my list of mistakes over many years. It's like a trophy now-a specific compilation of things that I have proven that simply do not work.
Take a peek:
It doesn't work to be in a supermarket without a plan.
Walking into the grocery store without a plan-for me that means a specific list, coupons and cash-is a terrible mistake. I know me. Without my "crutches" I am a $200 mistake just waiting to happen. And if I'm hungry? Make that $300.
It doesn't work to buy extended warranties on appliances.
Statistically, if an appliance is going to fail it will do so in the first 90 days (the product comes with a warranty to cover this time frame) or after five years (extended warranties aren't that extended). For the record a laptop computer is an exception to this mistake. Laptops fail routinely, trust me.
It doesn't work to lease a car.
And it really doesn't work to roll the shortfall and extra charges at the end of the lease into another lease. To repeat this mistake over and again for no less than 22 years straight is to come dangerously close to insanity.
It doesn't work to buy a 7,000- gallon blow-up swimming pool.
Actually I didn't even know such a thing existed so I can't even say it was something we needed. Standing there in the middle of the Home Show I managed to pull off the impulse purchase of the century (thankfully, it was in the last century). That was a mistake that just kept on giving lessons to be learned until the day several years later we begged Goodwill to just take it away. Please.
Here's the larger lesson I learned from that detour into stupidity:
A true need is never realized while standing in the aisle at Costco, Bloomingdales, Any Home Show, Wal-Mart, Nordstrom or fill in the blank.
If you need something you know you need it before you walk into the store. It is not a discovery you make after you arrive.
It doesn't work to carry more than $100 cash.
Carrying a single $100 bill is a great deterrent for overspending. You don't feel broke, but it's a bill you hate to break. It is also the tipping point. More than $100 is dangerous. For me it creates a feeling of excess that burns a hole in my wallet. It disappears.
It doesn't work to live on credit.
When it comes to mistakes, depending on credit to bridge the gap between what you earn and what you spend is a big one. Debt is a terrible liar, insisting that while you don't have the money today, you'll have it next month. Or the next. Debt keeps you stuck in the past, always stealing from the future.
Debt is reversible, thankfully-provided you don't do it over and over expecting that eventually, somehow you will get different results.
That would be insane.
"The Cheapskate Monthly" was founded in 1992 by Mary Hunt. What began as a newsletter to encourage and empower people to break free from the bondage of consumer debt has grown into a huge community of ordinary people who have achieved remarkable success in their quest to effectively manage their money and stay out of debt. Today, "The Cheapskate Monthly" is read by close to 100,000 Cheapskates. Click here to subscribe.
4GB for Vista? Ugh!
Buying a new PC? 'Windows Vista Capable' barely hits the mark: "users should consider 4GB of RAM if they really want optimum Vista performance"
Monday, February 19, 2007
Carry A Flashlight
A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin.
"Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight."
"Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight."
Definition: "Political Correctness"
from Joe Bouza
The winning entry from the annual contest that calls for the most 'appropriate definition' of a 'contemporary term'.
This year's term: Political Correctness
The winning definition:
Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!
The winning entry from the annual contest that calls for the most 'appropriate definition' of a 'contemporary term'.
This year's term: Political Correctness
The winning definition:
Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
from Joe Bouza
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds"
- Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
- dont use any punctuation
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
- Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Bottom".
- When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won!"
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
- Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Bravery
“A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.”
~ Franklin P. Jones
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.”
~ Franklin P. Jones
Five warning signs that technology is turning you into a machine
- Instead of reading to your children, you e-mail them web-interactive bedtime stories.
- You've been known to e-mail your spouse when he/she is in the same room of the house as you are.
- Given your habit of communicating entirely via e-mail, you haven't spoken to your cubicle neighbor in over three years.
- You've been hospitalized after spraining a thumb on your Blackberry.
- You unwittingly offend your friends by simply saying “LOL” rather than actually laughing at their jokes.
Home Schooling vs. a Mandated Mental Health Agenda
from the Texas Home School Coalition (THSC)You may not know it, but you are in the middle of a battle for the minds of your children.
In 2003 the President’s New Freedom Commission on Mental Health recommended that every American be screened for mental illness. One recommendation was that public schools were a great place to start, and that’s “where the kids are.” This message was repeated at a presentation on TeenScreen®, a depression/suicide screening tool.
Perhaps the most chilling part of the presentation was when Jan Miller, a TeenScreen® supporter from Oregon relayed that, “We are trying to look at how we can reach out into the community and offer that [mental health screening] for families that are home schooling.”
Consider some mental health screening questions:
- Has there been a time when you felt you couldn't do anything well or that you weren't as good-looking or as smart as other people?
- How often did your parents get annoyed or upset with you because of the way you were feeling or acting?
Mental health screening leads to false positives, dangerous drugs and more.
Texas is moving forward with a “mental health transformation” effort that involves mental health screening tools included in your child’s routine doctor visits. This is certainly a way to bring mental health screening to the home school community. We may be able to avoid placing our children in government schools, but we cannot and should not avoid medical care.
Much like the recent vaccine controversy, it is a matter of state government deciding what we should discuss with our physicians. This intrudes on one of the most intimate relationships one can have outside of one’s family.
It would be wise to let your elected officials know how you feel about mental health screening and Texas’s mental health transformation effort. You might mention House Bill 940 by State Representative Diane White Delisi. It appears to be the vehicle for the mental health screening effort. Let your officials know that you, and not the state, are in the best position to determine the physical and social needs of your child.
Articles Regarding Mental Health Screening: Parenting Skills Should Trump Mental Health Screening
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Singing Fish
A man went to a pet store to get a fish. As he was looking around the store, he noticed a strange, brightly colored fish. He asked the owner what the fish was called. “That’s a parrot fish,” said the owner. “It sings like a bird.” The man was incredulous. The owner sensed the man’s hesitancy and told him he could bring the fish back if he wasn’t satisfied. About a week later, the man returned to the store to return the fish. The store owner asked him why. The man replied, “You were right. The fish can sing. But, he’s horribly off key, and it is just too difficult to tuna fish.”
Texas Air Traffic Control
Dallas ATC: "Saudi Air 95, Dallas Tower -- Cleared to land runway 17R."
Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas tower. Acknowledge 95 cleared to land on infidel's runway 17R -- Allah be Praised !!"
Dallas ATC: "Iran Air 44, Dallas Tower -- Cleared to land runway 35L."
Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas Tower. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 35L -- Allah is Great !!"
Pause: Static.............
Saudi Air: " DALLAS TOWER! DALLAS TOWER!!! "
Dallas ATC: "Saudi Air 95?"
Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS !!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!
Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?
Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas tower. Acknowledge 95 cleared to land on infidel's runway 17R -- Allah be Praised !!"
Dallas ATC: "Iran Air 44, Dallas Tower -- Cleared to land runway 35L."
Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas Tower. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 35L -- Allah is Great !!"
Pause: Static.............
Saudi Air: " DALLAS TOWER! DALLAS TOWER!!! "
Dallas ATC: "Saudi Air 95?"
Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS !!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!
Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?
Friday, February 16, 2007
Paraglider sucked into killer storm
Paraglider sucked into killer storm - Asia-Pacific - MSNBC.com:
"Paraglider survives after soaring to 32,000 feet - Woman awakens encased in ice after going higher than Mount Everest"
Competing for a Darwin Award?
"Paraglider survives after soaring to 32,000 feet - Woman awakens encased in ice after going higher than Mount Everest"
Competing for a Darwin Award?
Bank of America offers credit cards to illegal aliens (OneNewsNow.com)
Bank of America offers credit cards to illegal aliens (OneNewsNow.com): The Wall Street Journal says Bank of America’s decision to offer credit cards to illegal immigrants is the latest sign of the U.S. banking industry's aggressive pursuit of the Hispanic market.
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, th e olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, th e olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
F-14 Tomcat Ride
Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat.
Now this message is for America's most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have . John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity...
Move to Guam.
Change your name.
Fake your own death! Whatever you do . Do Not Go!!!
I know.
The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.
Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way. Fast.
Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ..." Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year- olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff"
Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.
"Bananas," he said.
"For the potassium?" I asked.
"No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down."
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot .. But, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.
A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.
Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.
Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us.
We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.
And I egressed the bananas.
And I egressed the pizza from the night before.
And the lunch before that.
I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.
I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that never thought would be egressed.
I went through not one airsick bag, but two.
Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.
I used to know 'cool'. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know 'cool'. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.
What is it? I asked.
"Two Bags."
Now this message is for America's most famous athletes:Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have . John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity...
Move to Guam.
Change your name.
Fake your own death! Whatever you do . Do Not Go!!!
I know.
The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.
Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way. Fast.Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ..." Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year- olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff"
Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.
"Bananas," he said.
"For the potassium?" I asked.
"No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down."
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot .. But, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.
A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.
Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.
Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us.
We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.And I egressed the bananas.
And I egressed the pizza from the night before.
And the lunch before that.
I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.
I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that never thought would be egressed.
I went through not one airsick bag, but two.
Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.
I used to know 'cool'. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know 'cool'. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.
A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.
What is it? I asked.
"Two Bags."
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Worst Things To Say On A First Date
I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem ... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.
I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.
I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice.
Do you want to play doctor? That'll be five hundred dollars.
Wait till my wife hears about this!
I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.
I don't see my ex-girlfriend that much ... thanks to the U.S. Department of Justice.
Do you want to play doctor? That'll be five hundred dollars.
Wait till my wife hears about this!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Giant Cargo Ships and Planes
Mighty Servant
Kang Sheng Kou
Sinkings
Snow White
Radar
USS Cole
Thunderhorse
Airbus Beluga
Ан-225
Boeing 747 Shuttle carrier
Kang Sheng Kou
Sinkings
Snow White
Radar
USS Cole
Thunderhorse
Airbus Beluga
Ан-225
Boeing 747 Shuttle carrier
KingAir Blows out windshield, knocks crew out, busts the barber pole in free-fall from FL270, then lands
Home video of anything but a routine landing for two men from
Garter Snake
Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed!
Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
That's when he shot her.
Here's why.
A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed!
Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
That's when he shot her.
Men's Thesaurus
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
Sunday, February 11, 2007
TX Governor accused of conflict of interest in vaccination order (OneNewsNow.com)
TX Governor accused of conflict of interest in vaccination order (OneNewsNow.com): A Texas pro-family group says Governor Rick Perry's executive order mandating HPV shots for schoolgirls entering sixth-grade not only usurps the authority of the State Legislature, but also the rights of parents. In addition, the American College of Pediatricians has recommended against the vaccine for young girls.
Former Mormon warns fellow Christians not to support Romney (OneNewsNow.com)
Former Mormon warns fellow Christians not to support Romney (OneNewsNow.com): "A one-time Mormon says anyone thinking about supporting presidential hopeful Mitt Romney -- a Mormon -- in his White House campaign needs to be aware of what distinguishes that religious group's beliefs from Christianity."
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Two Great Ideas
First Great Idea
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.
Second Great Idea:
Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.
Second Great Idea:
Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.
Why We Home School
Student jailed in alleged plot to blow up school | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle: "Student jailed in alleged plot to blow up school"
Why We Home School
HOUSTON METRO | KHOU.com | News for Houston, Texas: "Some parents are fighting mad about school fighting"
Friday, February 9, 2007
Low-Bid Painter
Randy, the painter, often thinned his paint to make it go further. The Baptist Church decided to restore its biggest building. Randy put in a low bid and got the job. He bought the paint, and, yes, thinned it with turpentine.
Well, Randy was painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a clap of thunder. The sky opened, and the rain poured down. It washed the thinned paint off the church. Randy fell from the scaffold, landing among the gravestones. He was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty.
Randy raised his voice to the heavens, crying, "Oh, God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from above, a mighty voice roared: “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
Well, Randy was painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a clap of thunder. The sky opened, and the rain poured down. It washed the thinned paint off the church. Randy fell from the scaffold, landing among the gravestones. He was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty.
Randy raised his voice to the heavens, crying, "Oh, God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from above, a mighty voice roared: “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
FAA Proposes To Revamp Pilot Certification Regs
The FAA is proposing a major overhaul of its pilot certification regulations—FAR Part 61—that includes more than 200 changes. Many of those improvements stem from years of AOPA advocacy. The FAA is proposing three of AOPA's four major recommendations:
- Allow CFIs to renew their privileges every two years while keeping the original certificates;
- extend the duration of a student pilot certificate to coincide with the duration of a third class medical certificate;and
- allow the use of personal computer-based aviation training devices (PCATDs) to meet instrument currency, requirements for logbook entries, and credit for use of a flight simulator or flight training device (FTD) for the private and commercial pilot certificates.
10 Nutritional Tips to Keep You Lean
Dr. Cherry
It's that time for New Year's resolutions. Perhaps you've made a commitment to lose some weight (or to not gain any). To help you, nutrition experts have these 10 basic rules to keep you eating on the lean and narrow.
- Know how to eat out. Order something you know is low in fat and calories, such as a bowl of soup (clear, not creamy), a turkey sandwich (no cheese or mayonnaise), a salad or broiled fish. Go for pizzas with a thinner crust and half the cheese.
- Don't eat on autopilot. Only eat at the table. If you eat in front of the television or over the sink, you're probably shoveling it in without thinking.
- Know what a portion looks like. Eating huge amounts of anything will leave you putting on the pounds. To eyeball what a portion looks like, keep these tips in mind: a half-cup of pasta is the size of a tennis ball; an ounce of cheese is the size of a golf ball; three ounces of meat is the size of a deck of cards; one cup of beans or cereal is the size of a baseball; an ounce of pretzels will fit in your open, cupped hands; and an ounce of nuts will fit in the palm of one hand.
- Know the fat traps. Read food labels to find out the fat content of the food you eat. To substitute lower-fat alternatives: instead of potato chips, candy or cookies from the vending machine, eat pretzels; instead of anything fried, eat food broiled or grilled; instead of whole milk or cheese, eat one percent or skim milk and low-fat cheese; instead of ice cream, eat nonfat frozen yogurt or frozen fruit bars; and instead of creamy salad dressings, eat fat-free dressings (or just lemon juice or and/or balsamic vinegar).
- Choose filling foods. That means foods that are high in fiber, like fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Fiber makes you feel fuller longer and helps you eat less.
- Count liquid calories. Sodas, juices and sports drinks are all high in calories. Stick with no-calorie drinks like water or plain iced tea.
- Know when you've had enough. Many people eat beyond fullness to discomfort. Learning to identify when you're satisfied can pay off with fewer pounds gained.
- Don't use food to feel better. When faced with a stressful situation, don't turn to food for solace. Instead, exercise or do some other activity that will take your mind off food.
- Don't give in to a binge. Overindulging just once can easily turn into an entire week of gluttony. Instead, eat a low-calorie snack and wait a few minutes. You'll find your craving often disappears.
- Never skip breakfast. Not eating breakfast often leads to overeating later in the day.
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