Really Important Things

2011-03-03T06:38:00.000-06:00

Each day can brings you only bright emotions!..
http://gino-arte.net/google.php?yfjgoogleId=65t9

--
Cheers,
~ Harold

Posterous system test

2009-06-17T11:24:00.001-05:00

Just testing out Posterous - please ignore.

Posted via email from mediaguy

Hilarious! "Sarcastics Anonymous"

2009-01-16T08:46:00.000-06:00

Think Punctuation Isn't Important?

2009-01-09T08:05:00.000-06:00

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Gloria

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

2009-01-05T08:26:00.000-06:00

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on
this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Christmas '08 Photos!

2008-12-27T22:32:00.002-06:00

Islamic World - How It Grows

2008-11-30T09:22:00.002-06:00

Islam is not a religion, nor is it a cult. In it's fullest form, it is a complete, total, 100% system of life.

Islam has religious, legal, political, economic, social, and military components. The religious component is a beard for all of the other components.

Islamization begins when there are sufficient Muslims in a country to agitate for their religious privileges.

When politically correct, tolerant, and culturally diverse societies agree to Muslim demands for their religious privileges, some of the other components tend to creep in as well. Here's how it works.

As long as the Muslim population remains around or under 2% in any given country, they will be for the most part be regarded as a peace-loving minority, and not as a threat to other citizens.

This is the case in:

United States – Muslim 0.6%
Australia – Muslim 1.5%
Canada – Muslim 1.9%
China – Muslim 1.8%
Italy – Muslim 1.5%
Norway – Muslim 1.8%

At 2% to 5%, they begin to proselytize from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups, often with major recruiting from the jails and among street gangs.

This is happening in:

Denmark – Muslim 2%
Germany – Muslim 3.7%
United Kingdom – Muslim 2.7%
Spain – Muslim 4%
Thailand – Muslim 4.6%

From 5% on, they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population. For example, they will push for the introduction of halal (clean by Islamic standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Muslims. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature halal on their shelves – along with threats for failure to comply.

This is occurring in:

France – Muslim 8%
Philippines – Muslim 5%
Sweden – Muslim 5%
Switzerland – Muslim 4.3%
The Netherlands – Muslim 5.5%
Trinidad & Tobago – Muslim 5.8%

At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves (within their ghettos) under Sharia, the Islamic Law. The ultimate goal of Islamists is to establish Sharia law over the entire world.

When Muslims approach 10% of the population, they tend to increase lawlessness as a means of complaint about their conditions. In Paris, we are already seeing car-burnings. Any non-Muslim action offends Islam, and results in uprisings and threats, such as in Amsterdam, with opposition to Mohammed cartoons and films about Islam.

Such tensions are seen daily, particularly in Muslim sections, in:

Guyana – Muslim 10%
India – Muslim 13.4%
Israel – Muslim 16%
Kenya – Muslim 10%
Russia – Muslim 15%

After reaching 20%, nations can expect hair-trigger rioting, jihad militia formations, sporadic killings, and the burnings of Christian churches and Jewish synagogues, such as in:

Ethiopia – Muslim 32.8%

At 40%, nations experience widespread massacres, chronic terror attacks, and ongoing militia warfare,
such as in:

Bosnia – Muslim 40%
Chad – Muslim 53.1%
Lebanon – Muslim 59.7%

From 60%, nations experience unfettered persecution of non-believers of all other religions (including non-conforming Muslims), sporadic ethnic cleansing (genocide), use of Sharia Law as a weapon, and Jizya, the tax placed on infidels, such as in:

Albania – Muslim 70%
Malaysia – Muslim 60.4%
Qatar – Muslim 77.5%
Sudan – Muslim 70%

After 80%, expect daily intimidation and violent jihad, some State-run ethnic cleansing, and even some genocide, as these nations drive out the infidels, and move toward 100% Muslim, such as has been experienced and in some ways is on-going in:

Bangladesh – Muslim 83%
Egypt – Muslim 90%
Gaza – Muslim 98.7%
Indonesia – Muslim 86.1%
Iran – Muslim 98%
Iraq – Muslim 97%
Jordan – Muslim 92%
Morocco – Muslim 98.7%
Pakistan – Muslim 97%
Palestine – Muslim 99%
Syria – Muslim 90%
Tajikistan – Muslim 90%
Turkey – Muslim 99.8%
United Arab Emirates – Muslim 96%

100% will usher in the peace of 'Dar-es-Salaam' – the Islamic House of Peace. Here there's supposed to be peace, because everybody is a Muslim, the Madrasses are the only schools, and the Koran is the only word, such as in:

Afghanistan – Muslim 100%
Saudi Arabia – Muslim 100%
Somalia – Muslim 100%
Yemen – Muslim 100%

Unfortunately, peace is never achieved, as in these 100% states the most radical Muslims intimidate and spew hatred, and satisfy their blood lust by killing less radical Muslims, for a variety of reasons.

'Before I was nine I had learned the basic canon of Arab life. It was me against my brother; me and my brother against our father; my family against my cousins and the clan; the clan against the tribe; the tribe against the world, and all of us against the infidel.
– Leon Uris, 'The Haj'

It is important to understand that in some countries, with well under 100% Muslim populations, such as France, the minority Muslim populations live in ghettos, within which they are 100% Muslim, and within which they live by Sharia Law. The national police do not even enter these ghettos. There are no national courts nor schools nor non-Muslim religious facilities. In such situations, Muslims do not integrate into the community at large. The children attend madrasses. They learn only the Koran. To even associate with an infidel is a crime punishable with death. Therefore, in some areas of certain nations, Muslim Imams and extremists exercise more power than the national average would indicate.

Today's 1.5 billion Muslims make up 22% of the world's population. But their birth rates dwarf the birth rates of Christians, Hindus, Buddists, and Jews, and all other believers. Muslims will exceed 50% of the world's population by the end of this century.

Adapted from Dr. Peter Hammond's book: "Slavery, Terrorism and Islam: The Historical Roots and Contemporary Threat"

http://www.slantright.com/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1181

http://www.urbanswirl.com/component/option,com_fireboard/Itemid,26/func,view/catid,22/id,834/

How to Attend a Meeting

2008-11-06T08:27:00.001-06:00

by Dave Barry

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is
sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it
involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you
should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my
job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant
governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do
crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs, however, will
require some work.

There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:

1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and
2. Going to meetings.

Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving
primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible,
because that's where the real prestige is. It is all very
well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are
never going to get a position of power, a position where you
can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single
bonehead decision, unless you learn how to attend meetings.

The first meeting ever was held back in the Mezzanine Era.
In those days, Man's job was to slay his prey and bring it
home for Woman, who had to figure out how to cook it. The
problem was, Man was slow and basically naked, whereas the
prey had warm fur and could run like an antelope. (In fact
it was an antelope, only nobody knew this).

At last someone said, "Maybe if we just sat down and did
some brainstorming, we could come up with a better way to
hunt our prey!" It went extremely well, plus it was much
warmer sitting in a circle, so they agreed to meet again the
next day, and the next.

But the women pointed out that, prey-wise, the men had not
produced anything, and the human race was pretty much
starving. The men agreed that was serious and said they
would put it right near the top of their "agenda." At this
point, the women, who were primitive but not stupid, started
eating plants, and thus modern agriculture was born. It
never would have happened without meetings.

The modern business meeting, however, might better be
compared with a funeral, in the sense that you have a
gathering of people who are wearing uncomfortable clothing
and would rather be somewhere else. The major difference is
that most funerals have a definite purpose. Also, nothing is
really ever buried in a meeting.

An idea may look dead, but it will always reappear at
another meeting later on. If you have ever seen the movie,
"Night of the Living Dead," you have a rough idea of how
modern meetings operate, with projects and proposals that
everyone thought were killed rising up constantly from their
graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the brains of
the living.

There are two major kinds of meetings:

1. Meetings that are held for basically the same reason that
Arbor Day is observed - namely, tradition. For example, a
lot of managerial people like to meet on Monday, because
it's Monday. You'll get used to it. You'd better, because
this kind accounts for 83% of all meetings (based on a study
in which I wrote down numbers until one of them looked about
right). This type of meeting operates the way "Show and
Tell" does in nursery school, with everyone getting to say
something, the difference being that in nursery school, the
kids actually have something to say.

When it's your turn, you should say that you're still
working on whatever it is you're supposed to be working on.
This may seem pretty dumb, since obviously you'd be working
on whatever you're supposed to be working on, and even if
you weren't, you'd claim you were, but that's the
traditional thing for everyone to say. It would be a lot
faster if the person running the meeting would just say,
"Everyone who is still working on what he or she is supposed
to be working on, raise your hand." You'd be out of there in
five minutes, even allowing for jokes. But this is not how
we do it in America. My guess is, it's how they do it in
Japan.

2. Meetings where there is some alleged purpose. These are
trickier, because what you do depends on what the purpose
is. Sometimes the purpose is harmless, like someone wants to
show slides of pie charts and give everyone a big, fat
report. All you have to do in this kind of meeting is sit
there and have elaborate fantasies, then take the report
back to your office and throw it away, unless, of course,
you're a vice president, in which case you write the name of
a subordinate in the upper right hand corner, followed by a
question mark, like this: "Norm?" Then you send it to Norm
and forget all about it (although it will plague Norm for
the rest of his career).

But sometimes you go to meetings where the purpose is to get
your "input" on something. This is very serious because what
it means is, they want to make sure that in case whatever it
is turns out to be stupid or fatal,you'll get some of the
blame, so you have to escape from the meeting before they
get around to asking you anything. One way is to set fire to
your tie.

Another is to have an accomplice interrupt the meeting and
announce that you have a phone call from someone very
important, such as the president of the company or the Pope.
It should be one or the other. It would a sound fishy if the
accomplice said, "You have a call from the president of the
company, or the Pope."

You should know how to take notes at a meeting. Use a yellow
legal pad. At the top, write the date and underline it
twice. Now wait until an important person, such as your
boss, starts talking; when he does, look at him with an
expression of enraptured interest, as though he is revealing
the secrets of life itself. Then write interlocking
rectangles like this: (picture of doodled rectangles).

If it is an especially lengthy meeting, you can try
something like this (Picture of more elaborate doodles and a
caricature of the boss).

If somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else
leave the room. Then collect a group of total strangers,
right off the street, and have them sit around the sleeping
person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to him,
"Bob, your plan is very, very risky. However, you've given
us no choice but to try it. I only hope, for your sake, that
you know what you're getting yourself into." Then they
should file quietly out of the room.

'Twas the night before elections

2008-10-29T16:59:00.001-05:00

'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!

I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!

'On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi'
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!

The Centipede...

2008-08-28T20:40:00.000-05:00

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 leg bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, 'would you like to go to Frank's place wi th me and have a beer?

But there was no answer from his new Pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, 'How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?' but again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more tim e. This time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, 'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box: 'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my damn shoes on!'

Chris Bliss - Juggling Finale

2007-12-04T13:36:00.000-06:00

Chris Bliss juggles to the Beatles' songs "Golden Slumbers" and "Carry That Weight".

Bianca Ryan - 11-Year-old Singing Sensation

2007-12-04T13:20:00.000-06:00

Bianca Ryan (born 1994) is a singer from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania who is a finalist on NBC's America's Got Talent.

When she auditioned she sang Jennifer Holliday's "And I'm Telling You (I'm Not Going)", surprising the crowd and the judges with her impressive voice, unusual for an 11-year old child.

After performing "Piece of My Heart", barefoot a la Janis Joplin, at the semi-finals, Bianca was announced the viewers' choice that week on America's Got Talent, and went on to win the million dollar finale.

Our Founding Illegals

2007-11-26T13:54:00.000-06:00

A Trip Through Costco - with Jimmy Kimmel

2007-11-26T13:47:00.000-06:00

Google 411

2007-11-26T09:30:00.000-06:00

Google's new 411 service is free, fast and easy to use. Give it a try now and see how simple it is to find and connect with local businesses for free.

21 Tips for Today

2007-11-25T13:06:00.000-06:00

Sent by Lauren:

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't:

...believe all you hear;
...spend all you have; or
...sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX . Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream.. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know? '

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson!

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's:

Respect for self;
Respect for others; and
responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

What Chefs do when they are bored

2007-11-21T06:50:00.001-06:00

A Roadmap to Spectacular GTD Failure

2007-11-20T09:19:00.000-06:00

Brett Kelly

Do your weekly review when you’re damn good and ready - Make sure to never even attempt to schedule a regular time for your weekly review. Friday afternoon, Saturday night, Wednesday during lunch. You’re a busy person with a dynamic life - you clearly can’t be expected to block out 1-2 hours per week!
Give your projects really ambiguous, confusing names - A few good examples might be “kitchen” or “make more money”. After all, you’ll look at “kitchen” and clearly know exactly what that means and what you need to do about it. All this stuff about how your brain is unreliable is a bunch of bull! I don’t recall hearing about how Einstein did GTD, do you?
Make sure your never know when a project is done - Because you’ll know when you can fill in the checkbox next to “Be a better person”, right? I mean, come on, there has to be some little contentedness switch in my head once I’ve crossed this line.
Don’t practice GTD at home - Your work is serious business. That’s where you make your money, that’s where the advancement, hell it’s the source of most of what makes your life work! What do I care if my house looks like a toy factory and a book factory got into an Epic Battle right in the middle of it? My personal life is a snap compared to work, I don’t need any help there, thanks… sheesh…
Make sure your filing system consists of unholy amounts of papers and crap strewn around your entire physical life - My office is too full of stuff to make room for a filing cabinet! I’ve had this “unorthodox” filing system for years and it’s only let me down… well, a couple of times. But who has the time to organize when you have as much stuff as I do!
Never keep a pen and paper on your person - If I get stopped in the hallway by a coworker, they need to realize that I can’t be expected to take serious note of those types of conversations. I have a desk, email, voicemail and an (overflowing) in-basket for a reason. What, should I take out my hipster PDA while I’m taking a leak just because I happen to have an idea?
“My email inbox is my to-do list” - I’m perfectly fine having an email from my wife about cupcakes right along side an email from my boss about a new acquisition. They’re all projects, right? I know what to do with them when I see them - and if I have time, I do it! Besides, every single thing I’m responsible for comes through my email! Well, except for phone calls. Oh, and voicemails. Oh, and…

Stay Efficient

2007-11-15T15:37:00.000-06:00

"It's easy to overestimate how much you can do in a year but underestimate how much you can do in five."

National Geographic's "Amazing Eats"

2007-11-08T14:42:00.000-06:00

Nasty...just nasty.

My Next Set of "Wheels"

2007-11-08T14:17:00.000-06:00

Driving's Do's & Don'ts

2007-11-08T14:07:00.001-06:00

FedEx "on the road" marketing

2007-11-08T13:40:00.000-06:00

click for full version

Popcorn Chicken

2007-11-08T06:29:00.000-06:00

Salsa Dancing

2007-11-08T06:28:00.001-06:00

You Might Be Floridian if...

2007-11-08T05:41:00.000-06:00

"Down South" means Key West.
"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.
You think no one over 70 should be allowed to drive.
Flip-flops are everyday wear.
Shoes are for business meetings and church.
No, wait -- flip-flops are good for church, too, unless it's Easter or Christmas.
Sweet tea can be served at any meal.
An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.
You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida.
You measure distance in minutes.
You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.
You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.
All the local festivals are named after a fruit.
A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.
You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.
You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas.
It's not soda, cola, or pop -- it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor: "What kinda coke you want?"
Anything under 95 is just warm.
You've hosted a hurricane party.
You go to a theme park for an afternoon and know when to get on the best rides.
You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.
You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.
You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, and Withlacoochee.
You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a boat yourself.
Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include:

various fish
NRA
a confederate flag

You were eight years old before you realized they made houses without pools.
You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.
You get angry when people say, "Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH."
You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.
You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!
You recognize Miami-Dade as "Northern Cuba." The south ends in the Ocala/Gainesville area, and then North Cuba begins.

Farting Fish

2007-11-05T09:50:00.001-06:00

Husbands Of The Year

2007-11-05T09:45:00.000-06:00

Need a Hobby?

2007-11-04T22:13:00.000-06:00

Just being able to ride on these things is a challenge, but then somebody decided to take it to another level

Talking Cats

2007-11-04T21:28:00.001-06:00

"I'm Reacting As Fast As I Can!" Four Sanity-Saving Tips

2007-11-04T10:33:00.000-06:00

BECK ON CALL
I'm Reacting As Fast As I Can!

Ahem: Martha Beck wants your attention at once. No time? Then attend to her four sanity-rescuing techniques.

Remember the phrase "Knowledge is power?" Ah, those were the days. One Sunday edition of The New York Times contains more information than all the written documents in the world during the 15th century. These days, the average office worker receives more than 200 messages a day via snail mail, e-mail, express mail, cell phone, landline, wireless Web, bicycle messenger, singing telegram, you name it. Taking in information these days is like trying to drink from a fire hose.

The problem is that while information has no limits, human attention does. Our brains are designed to filter out most stimuli, focusing on just a few things at once. If we try to multi-task in too many directions, our brains begin to act exactly like what they are: overloaded electrical circuits. In extreme situations we may "blank out," literally becoming unable to perceive whatever is yammering for our attention.

Attention Management 101
As noted in The Attention Economy, (Harvard Business School Press) analysts at a major business research institute recently conducted an in-depth study of attention and developed strategies for managing the attention of a corporate staff. The same principles apply to managing your own attention, both at work and at home.

1. Accept that you can't pay attention to everything you "should."
Because the information explosion is so recent, we still have beliefs left over from a time when there was much less competition for our attention. We believe we should be able to stay on top of everything. Your first step in effective attention management is to jettison this exaggerated sense of what you should be able to process. Get it through your head: There is too much information for you to handle! Good. Now that we've cleared that up, you can relax and deal with the reality of living in a world packed with attention demands.

2. Make prioritizing a priority.
If you start a day without a clear plan about how you're going to spend your attention, you'll end up wasting most of it. Your first priority should be to take a little undisturbed time each day to evaluate the various demands on your attention before they show up. Do your prioritizing whenever you typically think most clearly (most people do best in the morning, but I like to take five minutes before I go to bed to preview the upcoming day). Rank tasks in order of importance and write them down. That way, when you're being hounded for attention you'll have a visual cue to help you focus on the most significant task first, leaving less necessary items for later—or for never.

3. Plan with eagle vision.
In some American Indian cultures, the eagle symbolizes a way of seeing that stays above ordinary life, considering everything in terms of the big picture. This is the way you should think during your daily attention-management planning sessions. It helps to begin a session by asking yourself these two questions: (1) What experiences do I want to have during my time on this Earth? and (2) How do I want the world to be different (because in large ways or small, it will be different) because I have lived?

Consider each task on your to-do list in light of these two questions. If a to-do item doesn't serve either purpose, it's got to go.

4. Work with mouse vision.
Once your eagle-vision plan is in place, it's time to play mouse. Mouse vision is an American Indian metaphor for adopting a mind-set focused directly and completely on whatever is in front of you. Choose what is most important, shut out distractions, and give all your attention to the activity at hand.

To get into a mousy frame of mind, designate a period of time during which you will focus entirely on a given activity. The session shouldn't be long—half an hour is a good start. Now, set a timer to go off when your work session is finished. Put the clock where you can't see it, and then devote all your attention to the task at hand. You'll immediately notice a jump in productivity.

Creating Hardworking Idiots

2007-11-04T10:06:00.000-06:00

The German World War II general Erich von Manstein is said to have categorized his officers into four types. The first type, he said, is lazy and stupid. His advice was to leave them alone because they don’t do any harm. The second type is hard-working and clever. He said that they make great officers because they ensure everything runs smoothly. The third group is composed of hardworking idiots. Von Manstein claims that you must immediately get rid of these, as they force everyone around them to perform pointless tasks. The fourth category are officers who are lazy and clever. These, he says, should be your generals. Discovering this information set me to wondering how General von Manstein’s categories might apply to business organizations today.

Lazy and Stupid

Most organizations have some managers within them who are lazy and stupid—at least, that has been my experience. Would you agree with the general that you can leave them alone, because they do no harm? I doubt it. Most organizations claim they try to get rid of any employee who is found to be lazy, let alone stupid as well. Maybe they try, but they don’t seem to be so successful, judging by the number who are left, some even in fairly exalted positions. Maybe one reason for this is that lazy and stupid people rarely do much active harm. The harm they do is more often based on missing opportunities and stifling the creativity of those who report to them. Bad enough, but not always easy to turn into clear grounds for dismissal—especially if the person in question is protected by someone powerful. Still, my guess is that even lazy and stupid people today realize that the best route to self-preservation is at least to appear busy and active.

Hardworking and Clever

Von Manstein’s next group is made up of hardworking, clever people. Organizations mostly want as many of these as they can get, for obvious reasons. But you’ll notice that the general seems to confine them to the military equivalent of middle management: jobs that are aimed at making everything run smoothly. I suspect one reason is that such people do make excellent administrators. They can take orders from above and turn them into practical ways of achieving the desired results. Some are so useful in these roles that they are never allowed to rise higher. Others maybe want to progress, but lack something that—at least in von Manstein’s view—is essential to become a good general. That something, it seems, is laziness. He wants the choice of generals to be made from people who are clever, naturally, but also lazy. Why should that make them better top executives?

Lazy and Clever

One reason might be that laziness is the principal spur to creativity. Lazy people are always looking for easier, simpler, and less arduous ways to do things. If they are also clever, the chances are that they will find them, and make them available to everyone else. Lazy people are also natural delegators, and find it very attractive to let their subordinates get on with their work without interference from above. Lazy, but bright, generals would be likely to make sure they focused on the essentials and ignored anything that might make for unnecessary work, whether for themselves or other people. In fact, it’s hard to see why you would not want your top managers to be as lazy as they are clever. It would indeed make them great strategists and leaders of people.

Hardworking Idiots

Now to the last group: the ones von Manstein said that you should get rid of immediately. That group is made up of people who are hardworking idiots, in his words. He says such people force those around them into pointless activities. I don’t know about you, but I suffered from several bosses I would unhesitatingly put into precisely that category. They were extremely hardworking—and demanded the same from their subordinates—but what they set others to work on (and what they spent their own time in doing) was mostly worthless. Maybe they were actually lazy and stupid people trying hard to seem busy, but too stupid to choose the right things to be busy about. It certainly felt like busyness for its own sake, and it was hateful. Or were they naturally hardworking idiots? Some probably were, but it’s my opinion that most such people are clever enough. It is the organization that makes them function like morons.

Today’s fast-paced, macho style of organizational culture creates, and then fosters, the hardworking idiot. Indeed, I think it takes a great many sound, useful, hardworking, and clever people and turns them into idiots by denying them the time or the opportunity to think or use their brains. If you don’t look busy all the time, you’re virtually asking for a pink slip, never mind what it is that you are doing—or whether it is actually of any use to the organization or its customers. It’s all so rushed and frenetic. If all that matters is “meeting the numbers” and getting things done (whatever those things are), managers will be forced into working hard at projects that they know make no sense.

The dumbing down of organizations isn’t caused by poor educational standards or faulty recruitment. It’s due mostly to the crazy pace that is set, and the obsessive focus on the most obvious, rigidly short-term objectives. The result is a sharp increase in hardworking idiots: people who are coerced into long hours and constant busyness, while being systematically forced to act like idiots by the culture around them. Don’t ask questions. Don’t cause problems by thinking, or waste time on coming up with new ideas. Don’t think about the future, or try to anticipate problems before they arise. Just keep at it, do exactly what is expected of you, and always get the most done in the least amount of time and at the lowest cost. If von Manstein is correct, the result will be that more and more employees will be used to perform essentially pointless tasks. Isn’t that exactly what we see?

I think that even a fairly cursory look around most organizations today would confirm the accuracy of this observation. Consider all the time wasted in unnecessary meetings. The obsessive emphasis on staying in touch, regardless of need. The torrents of e-mails, most of which are simply copies of documents of no direct relevance to the people to whom they are sent. The constant collecting of data for no clear reason. Management by numbers and motivation by numerically-based performance measures. Trust replaced by obsessive control and leadership by forced ranking of subordinates against vague criteria determined by committees with no idea of the specific circumstances.

You do not need ethical insight or human understanding to operate a machine, and machines are how many of today’s leaders see their organization: machines for making quick profits, not civilized communities of people working together to a common end. We can only hope some organizations at least see the error of their ways before the hardworking idiot becomes the commonest creature in the hierarchy. We are well on the way to that point, which is probably why so many people cherish dreams of getting out of the corporate rat race. It’s no fun to be forced to deny your own intelligence on a daily basis. We can still reverse the trend, but only by dropping the current out-dated dogmas, dangerous half truths, and total nonsense that disfigure management thinking. Let’s do it before it is too late.

Adrian Savage is a writer, an Englishman, and a retired business executive, in that order. He lives in Tucson, Arizona. You can read his posts most days at Slow Leadership, the site for everyone who wants to build a civilized place to work and bring back the taste, zest and satisfaction to leadership.

Talk To The Hand!

2007-11-04T09:46:00.000-06:00

Feline Pillow Talk

2007-11-02T19:56:00.001-05:00

Why I Won't Eat In Asia

2007-11-02T19:51:00.000-05:00

Pilots reportedly slept during overnight flight

2007-11-02T19:45:00.001-05:00

Two commercial pilots allegedly fell asleep on a flight between Baltimore and Denver, with one pilot waking up to "frantic" calls from air traffic controllers warning them they were approaching the airport at twice the speed allowed.

View article...

Flow Chart

2007-11-02T19:30:00.001-05:00

Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People

2007-11-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

From Craig Childs

Stress shouldn't be something that takes control of your life, or even affect it. I'm of the school of thought that stress is a choice, and you have complete control.

The idea is to take your worries and what makes you stressed and turn them into positive reactions. For instance, if you're 'stressed' about how little money you have, you have two choices:

1. Stress about it.
2. Do something about it.

StressToPower.com writes something similar. This is about character traits of people who are stress-resilient - or essentially stress free. See how many you relate to:

They know how to mourn the inevitable losses in life. They know how to let go of things they have no control over.

Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People - [StressToPower]

Dog Playing Dead ...but one small giveaway

2007-11-02T10:08:00.000-05:00

Nine Minutes of Pure Medicine

2007-11-02T09:04:00.000-05:00

Everyone needs this today...

You Will Never See Me Here...

2007-11-01T14:32:00.001-05:00

How to Impress Your Boss

2007-10-29T13:09:00.001-05:00

How to make giant soap bubbles

2007-10-29T12:58:00.001-05:00

There are four things you cannot recover...

2007-10-01T08:58:00.001-05:00

Lil' LJ - Down Wit Dat

2007-09-26T22:05:00.000-05:00

Woman's Letter to Tide

2007-09-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go... have to write to the Hefty bag people.

Chocolate Calories

2007-09-03T12:37:00.000-05:00

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week.

Therefore...

In the last 3 1/2 years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I weigh only 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago!

I owe my life to chocolate.

Hurricane Dean update

2007-08-19T11:48:00.000-05:00

As of August 19, 9:43 AM CDT

Location: About 130 miles, 210 km, east-southeast of Kingston Jamaica and about 215 miles, 345 km, West-Southwest of Port Au Prince Haiti.
Lat/Long: 17.0N, 75.1W
Max Winds: 145 mph
Category: 4
Heading: West
Speed: 18 mph
Pressure: 27.34 inches

Live Tracking

Real Men of Genius - Mr. Really Really Bad Dancer

2007-08-14T08:43:00.001-05:00

Real Men of Genius - Houston Traffic

2007-08-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

The Real Men of Genius guys have been wildly popular since 2000. In this clip from Fox 26 morning show, they rant about the traffic in Houston. While we don't recommend having a bud light while driving, we can relate to congestion on Houston streets (Katy Freeway over the past weekend comes to mind).

Dinner with the dung beetles

2007-08-11T08:59:00.000-05:00

Get Energized! - The Natural Way

2007-07-31T09:19:00.001-05:00

Do you often complain of being tired or don't seem to have enough energy to do what you need to do or what you want to do? If so, you're not alone. A lack of energy is a major problem and one of the biggest complaints doctors hear from their patients. It's a very, very encompassing subject because so many people suffer from energy problems. And not just in this country, but around the world. But there are natural treatments to help you deal with this - and they're amazing. What are some of these treatments?

The number one treatment for fatigue and for increasing your energy is ginseng. In fact, ginseng tops the list around the world - both American ginseng and also Siberian ginseng that's in the same family as the Asian ginseng but probably a little better.

Other herbs that can help boost your energy level include guarana and maté, which are extensively cultivated and used in South America; rhodiola, a not-so-common herb used in countries from Scandinavia to Siberia to Asia, but particularly in Tibet as an energy and stamina booster; and finally, cordyceps, which is a mushroom that is grown on soybean cultures and widely used in Asia. It's quite a fascinating fact that all around the world people face the same identical problem of not having enough energy to simply do the things they want or need to do.

Of course, you don't want to take just anything to boost your energy level or to drive your body to a high energy level. You also want to enable your body to use energy more efficiently. There are certain herbs, particularly guarana and maté, that have a caffeine-like compound that can help you do just that. They are called isomers and they function similar to caffeine but don't cause any of the jitteriness that caffeine can cause.

When looking to boost your energy level, don't just take something to speed your body up. You need to also make your body more efficient by helping your body utilize more oxygen. Some of the ingredients I listed here can actually help your cells take up and use oxygen more efficiently - and that's one of the real keys to increasing your energy so that you can accomplish what God has called you to do.

For more information on Dr. Cherry's ministry, visit his Web site: http://www.AbundantNutrition.com

Monkeying Around

2007-07-29T10:29:00.001-05:00

A heating and cooling technician trained a small chimpanzee to help him. The chimp was the perfect assistant. He wasn’t afraid of heights. And because he was small, he could squeeze into ducts to work on them. Best of all, the technician didn’t need to pay him. One day, a customer called because his air conditioning was running and running. But the house didn’t seem to be cooling down. The technician examined the cooling system and found a problem in the ducts. The customer asked if it would be difficult to fix. “Nope,” said the technician. “I have a little duct ape that will fix the problem.”

Penguin Breakdown

2007-07-25T08:12:00.000-05:00

A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo, but while driving through the desert the truck breaks down. After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours he waves a second truck down , offering the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day the first truck driver arrives in town and sees the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. The first truck driver jumps out of his truck and says, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replies, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."

FREE CONCERT! Todd Agnew - Live at SugarLand Town Square

2007-07-17T18:47:00.000-05:00

Grace Like Rain
My Jesus
Unchanging One
This Fragile Breath

Also catch Todd live (acoustic) on the KSBJ Morning Show with Mike & Susan Wed morning starting at 7am.

Jul 18 2007 6:30PM - 8:30PM

Sugar Land Town Square Plaza

2711 Town Center Boulevard North, Sugar Land, TX 77479
www.toddagnew.com

Painless Ways to Save Money

2007-07-17T13:24:00.000-05:00

Tawra Kellam

The average American often feels overwhelmed by debt and doesn't know where to start or how to go about getting out of debt. It's a misconception that the more money you earn the easier it is to save. My husband and I paid off $20,000 of credit card debt and medical bills in 5 years on an average income of $22,000 a year.

Here is how you can save over $7,000 in just one year cutting a few things from your grocery bill. They are painless, simple and add up over time.

If you don't think that cutting out one bag of potato chips or one soda will add up, look at the numbers at the end of a year. If you're trying to save so you can be a stay-at-home mom or dad, to pay off a down payment on a house, get rid of some credit card debt or just to have some emergency money, here are 13 ways to do it without depriving yourself:

By eliminating one $2.00 bag of potato chips (not all just 1 bag) from your grocery bill each week you can save $104.00 per year.

Cutting out one six-pack of soda will save another $104.

A weekly $4.00 box of granola cereal adds up to $208 a year.

If you eat out one less time each week at $30 a meal, you can save $1,560 and ordering one less delivered pizza at $20, can save you $1040 per year.

Similar annual savings can be realized by cutting out weekly purchases of fruit rolls ($130), daily gourmet coffee at $2.50 per cup ($910), a daily liter of soda ($365), snack cakes ($455), one less bottled water ($455), one cup less juice per person in a family of four ($546), 3 lbs. less red meat a week ($390), and by eliminating a $4.00 lunch five days a week ($1040).

By themselves, these efforts may seem small--but they add up to over $7,000.

Tawra Kellam is the author of the frugal cookbook Not Just Beans: 50 Years of Frugal Family Favorites. Not Just Beans is a frugal cookbook which has over 540 recipes and 400 tips. For more free tips and recipes visit our web site at www.LivingOnADime.com.

Hiring Slogans

2007-07-17T13:20:00.001-05:00

Beware of Companies With These Hiring Slogans:

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some each night and some each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

Tired? When You Should See Your Doctor

2007-07-17T13:11:00.000-05:00

Dr. Cherry

We all have bouts of fatigue once in awhile. But when should you be concerned enough to see your doctor?

According to the Mayo Clinic, "sudden or persistent fatigue, despite adequate rest, may mean it's time for you to consult your doctor. Unrelenting exhaustion may be a sign of an underlying medical problem." See your doctor if you're extremely tired or unable to regain your energy after several weeks of increased rest. Medical causes of fatigue can include the following say Clinic experts:

Anemia. This blood disorder results from a number of problems that affect your blood's ability to transport oxygen, causing fatigue.
Cancer. Although fatigue can be a symptom of cancer, don't be alarmed. See your doctor for a thorough checkup and get regular cancer screenings.
Depression. A loss of energy that's accompanied by any number of symptoms - including sadness, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, a lack of interest in pleasurable activities and difficulty concentrating - may be a part of depression.
Diabetes. Extreme fatigue can be a warning sign of diabetes. (Other symptoms: excessive thirst, frequent urination, blurred vision and recurring infections.)
Restless legs syndrome (RLS). This condition is characterized by an inability to keep your legs still and by tingling or aching sensations in your legs, feet or arms. The symptoms generally occur at night, preventing sound sleep.
Sleep apnea. Signs of this disorder include loud snoring, pauses between breaths and awakening frequently while gasping for air. It's a common source of fatigue because it interferes with sound sleep.
Thyroid problems. Hypothyroidism is a condition in which your thyroid gland fails to make or release enough thyroid hormone. Signs and symptoms include sluggishness, chronically cold hands and feet, constipation, dry skin and a hoarse voice. Hyperthyroidism is a condition in which your thyroid produces excessive amounts of hormone causing fatigue, muscle weakness, weight loss, increased heart rate, nervousness and irritability.
Chronic fatigue syndrome. Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is a complicated disorder characterized by extreme fatigue that doesn't improve with bed rest and may worsen with physical or mental activity. It affects more than a million Americans, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Of all chronic illnesses, CFS is one of the most mysterious (up to 80 percent of people with CFS do not know they have it, says the CDC). Severe and debilitating fatigue, muscle aches and difficulty concentrating are the most common symptoms. In some cases, low-grade fevers and swollen lymph nodes may develop.

We all have bouts of decreased stamina and a lack of energy. If a discernible medical ailment is not found, then the cause of fatigue may be due to a combination of factors, including stress, an improper diet or a lack of exercise. Fortunately, God has given us certain natural nutrients that can alleviate tiredness and boost your energy level. You can find these nutrients in my Energy Support formula. Give it a try. You'll be glad you did!

For more information on Dr. Cherry's ministry, visit his Web site: http://www.AbundantNutrition.com

Hillary's Double Speak

2007-07-13T09:58:00.000-05:00

Elephants never forget, so let's remind Hillary Clinton of her past positions on Iraq and cure her memory loss.

On October 11, 2002, she cast her vote supporting the President's resolution to go to war. She said her vote was cast with the "conviction" that the war authorization "best serves the security of our nation."

Hillary also said that she rejected setting a timetable to withdraw from Iraq. Her exact words:

"I reject a rigid timetable that the terrorists can exploit, and I reject an open timetable that has no ending attached to it." (Associated Press, 12/3/05)

You can watch the video of these statements by clicking here.

But in recent months and days, Hillary has voted against providing funds to support our troops and their safety. The legislation she voted against provided $1.6 billion for body armor, $2.4 billion to help combat IEDs, and $3 billion for mine resistant vehicles.

And now she is saying that "this is not our fight." She wants to withdraw.

The President and the Republican Party will not forget our commitment to protecting Americans at home and abroad. Neither should Hillary Clinton. Remind her of her past positions and her support of our troops by contacting her here:

Sen. Hillary Clinton
476 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510-3204
(202) 224-4451
E-mail form: http://clinton.senate.gov/contact/webform.cfm?subj=issue

Sincerely ,

Robert M. "Mike" Duncan
Chairman, Republican National Committee

Why women drive with two hands and men with only one

2007-07-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

The study - called The Secret Life of Cars and What They Reveal About Us - also found that motorists are four times more likely to sing on their way to work than on the way home.

Houston mosquitos?

2007-07-12T11:59:00.001-05:00

How would you like to be the electrician that opened this box???

2007-07-12T11:41:00.001-05:00

An electrical panel opened at a chemical plant in Seadrift, TX

All In One Kitchen

2007-07-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

Theft in New Zealand

2007-07-11T10:20:00.000-05:00

Police in New Zealand were mystified by the apparent theft of a complete toilet bowl from a police station in Auckland.

When a local news reporter asked the police sergeant if they had any leads, he replied, "At present we have nothing to go on."

Human Tetris!

2007-07-10T12:22:00.001-05:00

What Time Is It?

2007-07-10T11:23:00.000-05:00

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to 'Happy Hour.'"

Always Feeling Tired? What You Can Do

2007-07-10T11:03:00.000-05:00

Dr. Cherry

"Fatigue robs you of the energy you need to keep up with the demands placed on you, to enjoy your life, even to make the changes in your life needed to maintain your health. Fatigue puts pressure on your work, your home life, and your relationships - which only makes you more tired. It can be a downward spiral..."

Those words from a popular Web site for women (www.womentowomen.com) say a lot about how a lack of energy affects so many of our lives. In fact, fatigue is among the most common complaints doctors hear from their patients.

So why are so many of us so tired so often, and what can we do about it? Fatigue can have a variety of lifestyle causes. Here are some of the major ones - along with solutions - according to the Mayo Clinic. (In my next newsletter, I'll discuss when you should see your doctor about your fatigue.)

--------------------------------------------
Lack of sleep. Getting even an hour less than the sound slumber you need each night (seven to eight hours is the ideal, according to most experts) can leave you drowsy and unable to manage your daily routine. As we get older, it becomes harder to get uninterrupted sleep, we tend to sleep less soundly, and we often awaken earlier.

Solution: Practice good sleep habits. Most experts say not to eat, read or watch television in bed. For a better night's sleep, keep your bedroom cool, dark and quiet. Try to establish a regular sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at about the same time each day. If you nap during the day, do it early and keep it short. Also, schedule any physical activity at least six hours before bedtime and don't eat a large late-night meal.

--------------------------------------------
Stress and anxiety. Going through life anxious and on edge can keep you from relaxing and getting the rest you need. If you're so busy that you're running from one task to the next without a break, it's eventually going to wear you down.

Solution: Reduce stress. Be realistic about your limitations (learn to say "no"), and put aside time each day to do something you enjoy.

--------------------------------------------
Inactivity. It's a common excuse: "I'm too tired to exercise" - so you don't. But engaging in moderate physical activity can help decrease stress, improve mood and leave you feeling energized. Just don't overexert yourself at first if you haven't been exercising.

Solution: Include at least 30 minutes of moderate physical activity, such as brisk walking, swimming or gardening each day. If that's too much, start with 10 minutes several times throughout the day. Once you get moving, you'll be surprised at the stamina you'll feel.

--------------------------------------------
Eating habits. If you're not eating properly or drinking enough fluids (fatigue is often a sign of dehydration), your body isn't getting the fuel and fluid it needs.

Solution: Start your day with a low-fat, high-fiber breakfast that includes plenty of complex carbohydrates, such as whole grains and fruits for lasting energy. Stay away from sugary cereals and juices and caffeinated drinks. They can make you feel sluggish later in the day. Don't skip meals; refuel every three or four hours.

--------------------------------------------
Certain medications. Some medications (both prescription and over-the-counter), including many beta-blockers and antihistamines, can cause fatigue. In addition, some cold medications and pain relievers contain caffeine and other stimulants that can keep you up at night.

Solution: Talk to your doctor if you think your medication is making you tired. He or she might be able to suggest an alternative medication or make other recommendations, such as taking your medication at a different time of day.

For more information on Dr. Cherry's ministry, visit his Web site: http://www.AbundantNutrition.com

WANTED: Helicopter students

2007-07-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

Jay Leno Sniffs Anti-Helium

2007-07-09T14:36:00.000-05:00

Digging for Hidden Fees

2007-07-09T08:27:00.000-05:00

Mary Hunt

Have you ever wondered how banks can offer free checking accounts and still stay in business? And what’s with really nice computer printers for $99? How can companies do that and not lose their shirts?

Take that printer for example. What unsuspecting customers don’t realize is the company has attached itself to their wallets. They’ll fork over about $1,500 in ink cartridges in the first four years to use that dandy $99 printer - cartridges that never go on sale. That’s where the company makes its money. Hidden fees.

And about your “free” checking account. Just how much did you pay in ATM fees this past year? Uh, huh. You guessed it: hidden fees.

We live in a fee-driven economy. Fees are hiding everywhere - even in hotel rooms. Sure, you think you got the deal of the century - just $80 per night - but that’s going to disappear once you realize you have to pay a $20-a-day parking fee, $2 for every local phone call and if in a moment of weakness you pluck those $12 cashews from the mini bar, you’ve just been clobbered by the equivalent of hidden fees.

How about your cell phone? Since January 2002 wireless providers have charged customers nearly $1 billion in additional fees. These are not the fees you may have been so careful to avoid like roaming and extra-minute charges. These are official-looking add-ons with names like Federal Recovery Fee, Federal E911 Fee and Number Portability Service Charge.

How up to speed are you with your monthly credit-card statements? If you’re late by even five minutes with a payment, prepare to get slapped with a $35 late fee. Ditto if you go over limit.

Hidden fees are lurking everywhere. Whether you get trapped into paying them all depends on how you play the game.

Basically there are two kinds of consumers: Sophisticates and myopes. Sophisticates play the hidden-fee game with great success. They read all the fine print. There are few lengths to which they will not go to avoid paying hidden fees. They are forever having fees waived because they dare to speak up and challenge them.

Myopes - persons suffering from short-sightedness or “myopia” - don’t see hidden fees. Companies love these naive consumers who pay hidden fees without flinching and without a single word of complaint.

The best way for myopes to get their financial vision corrected is to hang around with sophisticates. Pay attention to what they do.

To counteract the high cost of printer cartridges sophisticates print on “draft” mode when the quality of the print job is not critical. That makes their cartridges last longer. You’d never catch a sophisticate plucking a tasty morsel from a hotel mini bar. They scrutinize a car rental agreement before they sign on the dotted line, refusing to accept the additional insurance (hidden fee). They fill the rental with gas before returning it because they know what happens if you don’t - $6-a-gallon added as a hidden fee. They question every fee, every charge on everything. Nothing gets past a sophisticate.

Sophisticates are on to the sneaky tricks of gift card providers. They know that gift cards begin melting away through dormancy fees and maintenance.

Have you figured out to which group of consumers you belong? Let’s check:

Do you pretty much believe that by some miracle there really is a “free” checking account?

When you rent a car do you cave in to all the add ons?

Do you just pay your cell phone bill without first questioning every charge on that statement?

If you answered yes, there’s a pretty good chance that you are a financial myope. But do not despair. There is hope for your condition. You can give yourself financial lasik surgery simply by making the decision to stop being naive and start digging.

Uncovering hidden fees is good for us. It makes us better consumers. It builds our financial confidence and provides a little padding for the wallet, too. But more than that, digging for hidden fees - and then avoiding them - is empowering.

And it’s pretty good insurance against getting ripped off, too.

"Debt-Proof Living" was founded in 1992 by Mary Hunt. What began as a newsletter to encourage and empower people to break free from the bondage of consumer debt has grown into a huge community of ordinary people who have achieved remarkable success in their quest to effectively manage their money and stay out of debt. Today, "The Cheapskate Monthly" is read by close to 100,000 Cheapskates.

All Hands Meeting

2007-07-09T07:46:00.000-05:00

CLICK FOR LARGER

The Inventor of the slip-and-slide becomes a father

2007-07-09T07:42:00.000-05:00

Oops

2007-07-09T07:41:00.000-05:00

Teenagers trash can

2007-07-07T09:30:00.001-05:00

In the desert

2007-07-07T09:29:00.001-05:00

At The Flip-Flop Quality Control Center

2007-07-05T10:30:00.001-05:00

Don't fall asleep at the game...

2007-07-05T10:21:00.000-05:00

Helicopter First Flight - No Training

2007-07-05T10:15:00.001-05:00

Police Comments

2007-07-05T09:51:00.000-05:00

These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Your Guide to Never Feeling Tired Again

2007-07-03T08:12:00.000-05:00

22 ways to tackle life's biggest energy zappers.
Every day, 2.2 million Americans complain of being tired. Most of us chalk it up to having too much to do and not enough time to do it in, especially during extra-busy periods. But often the true culprits are our everyday habits: what we eat, how we sleep, and how we cope emotionally. Read on for some simple, recharging changes that can help you tackle all of the energy stealers in your life."
READ MORE...

10 Things Your Grocery Store Doesn't Want You to Know

2007-07-03T08:07:00.000-05:00

By Sally Wadyka for MSN Health & Fitness

Grocery shopping seems like a harmless enough activity. It’s a chore, but it’s one that most of us do at least once a week, without giving much thought to what’s going on behind the scenes at the supermarket.

How we shop has become a science that’s studied endlessly. “Market researchers have worked for years to come up with ways to make sure shoppers see as many products as possible, because the more they see, the more they buy,” says Marion Nestle, author of What to Eat: An Aisle-by-Aisle Guide to Savvy Food Choices and Good Eating.

So to make yourself a smarter shopper, learn about the top tricks and other secrets lurking at the supermarket."

READ MORE...

Man nearly sucked out of Seattle-bound plane

2007-07-03T08:02:00.000-05:00

Man survives with just cuts and bruises
BOISE, Idaho - A flight nurse who had his head and right arm sucked through the broken window of an air ambulance at 20,000 feet said the hard shell of his headset frame may have saved his life.
READ MORE...

SAP admits to corporate espionage against Oracle

2007-07-03T07:58:00.000-05:00

Uh oh, we've got ourselves a true-blue corporate ~~competitive intelligence~~ espionage fiasco exploding on the international stage. Germany's SAP has admitted to "inappropriate downloads" from arch-rival, Oracle in the US. Oracle is suing SAP with claims that it is guilty of "corporate theft on a grand scale" after hacking into Oracle's computer network and stealing a "wide range of copyrighted software and other material" from their Peoplesoft business unit. Taking the presidential classic, "I didn't inhale" defense, SAP admits to stealing the data but claims it never left the systems of their wholly owned subsidiary, TomorrowNow (where SAP has "made changes" to management). Well, at least now we can more clearly see why the French are so concerned with their sensitive data being hosted outside of their immediate control.

Read

This won't hurt a bit

2007-07-03T07:16:00.000-05:00

Dave Barry

I will frankly admit that I'm afraid of medical care. I trace this fear to my childhood, when, as far as I could tell, the medical profession's reaction to every physical problem I developed, including nearsightedness, was to give me a tetanus shot. Not only that, but the medical professionals would always lie about it.

''You'll hardly feel it!'' they'd say, coming at me with a needle the size of a harpoon. As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. Granted, Dracula would come into your room at night and bite into your neck and suck out all your blood, but there was a positive side to this; namely, you could turn into a bat and stay out all night. Whereas I could see no pluses with the tetanus shot.

Of course, today I no longer have this childish phobia, because, as a mature adult, I can lie.

''I just had a tetanus shot this morning!'' I can say, if the issue ever arises. "Eight of them, in fact!''

But I'm still afraid of medical care. And I'm not encouraged by TV medical dramas such as ''E.R.'' If you watch these shows, you've probably noticed that whenever some pathetic civilian gets wheeled into the hospital emergency room on a stretcher, he or she is immediately pounced upon by enough medical personnel to form a hospital softball league, all competing to see who can do the scariest thing to the victim. Apparently there's a clause in the standard Television Performers' Contract stating that every character in a medical drama gets to take a crack at emergency patients:

First doctor: I'll give him a shot!

Second doctor: I'll pound his chest!

Third doctor: I'll stick a tube way up his nose!

Fourth doctor: I'll find an unoccupied section of his body and cut it open for no good reason!

Janitor: I'll wash his mouth out with a toilet brush!

Now you're probably saying: "Dave, you big baby, those are just TV shows. In real life, bad things do not happen to people who fall into the hands of medical care.''

Excuse me for one second while I laugh so hard that my keyboard is short-circuited by drool. Because I happen to be holding in my hand a bulletin-board notice that was sent to me by a Vermont orthopedic surgeon named either ''David H. Bahnson, M.D.'' or ''Oee Bali,'' depending on whether you're reading his letterhead or his signature.

Dr. Bahnson told me, in a phone interview, that he found this notice over the ''scrub sink,'' which is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won't get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus upholstery.

No, seriously, the scrub sink is where they wash their hands before operating, and Dr. Bahnson said that this notice had been prominently displayed there for several months. It is entitled -- I am not making this up -- "Emergency Procedure: Fighting Fire on the Surgical Patient.''

Yes, you read that correctly. Dr. Bahnson told me that, although it has not happened to him, fires sometimes break out on patients during surgery, particularly when hot medical implements accidentally come into contact with surgical drapes.

The bulletin-board notice discusses two types of situations: ''small fire on the patient'' and ''large fire on the patient.'' There are step-by-step instructions for dealing with both of these; Step 3 under ''large fire on the patient,'' for example, is: "Care for the patient.''

I was surprised that the procedure was so definite. You'd think that, what with all these medical lawsuits, the instructions would call for more caution on the part of the doctors. (''Mrs. Dweemer, we think you might be on fire, but we won't know for sure until we have a specialist fly in from Switzerland to take a look.'' )

Now, before I get a lot of irate mail from the medical community, let me stress that not all surgical patients catch on fire. Some of them also explode. I am referring here to an article from The Medical Post, sent in by alert reader Lauren Leighton, headlined: ''Beware Exploding Patients.'' This article states that nitrous oxide -- which is sometimes used as an anesthetic in stomach surgery -- can get mixed up with intestinal gases, which have been proven to be highly combustible in countless scientific experiments conducted in fraternity houses. If this mixture is ignited by a spark from a surgical implement such as an electric cautery, the result can be what the article refers to as "intra-abdominal fires.''

In what could be the single most remarkable statement that I have ever read in a medical article, one expert is quoted as saying -- I swear this is a real quote -- "Patients aren't exploding all over, but there is the potential for it.''

Ha ha! I certainly am feeling reassured!

No, really, I'm sure we're talking about a very small number of patients exploding or catching on fire. So if you, personally, are scheduled to undergo surgery, you needn't give this matter another thought, assuming that you have taken the basic precaution of having a personal sprinkler system installed on your body.

No, seriously, I'm sure your operation will go just fine. And even in the unlikely event that you do explode, you may rest assured that, no matter how many pieces you wind up in, every one of those pieces will, in accordance with modern medical standards, receive a tetanus shot.

Early Writer's Block

2007-07-03T07:14:00.001-05:00

Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

2007-07-02T17:09:00.000-05:00

I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have alterior motives?
Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?
This looks like a good spot for a nap.
Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let them know who's boss!

Mensa Convention

2007-07-02T11:54:00.000-05:00

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly this was a job for Mensa!

The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

New Feature on Google Maps

2007-07-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

Now you can change customize your driving directions on Google Maps by simply dragging & dropping the default directions to your preferred roads or highways, route around traffic, or add multiple stops on your way.

maps.google.com

Rubes

2007-07-02T09:39:00.000-05:00

Tips to Keep Your Family Vacation Affordable and Fun

2007-07-02T09:31:00.000-05:00

C. Scott Houser

Does it ever make sense to stretch your spending, even if it means temporarily busting your budget or borrowing from your college fund? When the cause is as worthy as family vacations, the answer is a resounding "Yes!" For over 20 summers, when our children were still at home, our family always took a two week vacation. I wouldn't trade the fun and value which those vacations brought our family, even for "full ride" college scholarships for all five kids. I'd like to encourage you to begin now planning a memorable and affordable family vacation for this summer. From our experiences, here are some tips that can help.

Budget realistically. Vacations need not be expensive. Budget an amount and stick to it. If you're driving, set a fixed spending amount ($200 per day, for example). Include all of your expenses, gas, meals, admissions, special activities, etc. Involve your children in the process. Share with them that conserving money on one day allows them to go to a water park on another day. Be creative. To save money, our family typically ate only one meal in a restaurant per day. For the other two, we prepared our own food and either ate in the hotel room or had a picnic. Take turns letting the kids choose the type of food???and, if you are really adventurous, the restaurant???each day. They feel important and it minimizes arguments. Shop around for hotel discounts. Paying the listed rate for a hotel room is like paying full retail for a mattress.

Set your itinerary. Agreeing on an itinerary is important because adults and children have different ideas of "fun." I wanted to do things that I couldn't do at home: drive through the mountains, visit historical sights, go horseback riding, etc. Our children basically wanted to do what they could do at home: watch TV, visit a man-made attraction like Six Flags, or swim in the hotel pool. You gotta compromise. Every summer, my kids gave me my day in the mountains where we did nothing but drive through the Rockies. They even tried to look semi-interested. As a compromise, I did things that I thought were a total waste of money. After all, vacations are for the whole family.

Be flexible. Not every one of our days was planned. This can be risky, but sometimes the memories are worth it. One summer, we just happened to be in the Denver area during a Promise Keepers men's conference. The only accommodations we could find were at "Ace's Motel and Kitchenettes." If you miss pink stucco exteriors and green shag carpeting, I'll give you Ace's number.

Stay in one place. Admittedly, this is from Dad's perspective because he is the one who packs the trunk. For at least part of your vacation, pick a place (like a family camp or the beach) where you are not packing and unpacking the car every day. Having five kids and your spouse packing and aiming toward a scheduled departure time begins to take on aspects of a cattle drive. Staying in one place allows you to relax for awhile.

Decide on the ground rules. How many times have you been on a family vacation and seen parents and their children arguing? Vacations are supposed to be fun, not a battleground. Parents should establish the rules in advance so that arguments don't take joy away from the day. For example, take children's spending. To them, nothing in a souvenir shop is too tacky or overpriced. How did we solve this dilemma? Simple. They could buy what they wanted with their own money but they couldn't ask me for more. A few months prior to our vacation, I began reminding them that they should be saving their funds. Some did, some didn't. On the eve of our departure, I gave them each $20 to supplement their savings. After that, they were on their own. If they spent it the first day, they were out of luck. Knowing in advance the ground rules on spending, fast food restaurants, and sharing the Game Boy saves countless arguments and embarrassing moments.

The best things in life can be free. Prior to leaving, we checked the websites of where we would be visiting. The information we gleaned was invaluable. Couple this information with an AAA Tour Book and you can fill many days with no-cost activities. One of our best days was visiting an aircraft museum (free, but donations accepted) which was fully staffed with World War II veterans who were volunteering their time to restore the planes and serve as tour guides. They were glad to have us and our kids found them fascinating.

The second best things in life are almost free. Almost free can be categorized in the $3 to $5 admission category. One of our favorite activities was minor league baseball???if that isn't Americana, I don't know what is. Later, we became National Park groupies. Besides being a good way to recoup a good benefit from your tax dollars, National Parks almost always inspire awe at God's creation. Another activity is to visit the small town county fairs, rodeos, and 4-H exhibits. If you're discouraged about the state of affairs in our country, these activities will give you an uplift.

Have a purpose. Although we have gone to the Mecca of family vacation spots, Disney World (where I felt like a robbery victim), the best vacations are ones where a part of it had a purpose. For several years, we attended a family camp, Bear Trap Ranch, sponsored by InterVarsity in Colorado. The camp is a combination of spiritual input and outdoor activities such as hiking and rappelling. Several families would come back the same week each year, and we made friends all across the country. Our family benefited from the spiritual truth of family camps.

When I say purpose, I'm thinking of tradition. It may be that your tradition is getting together with relatives at the beach so that distant cousins can get to know one another. It may be a vacation centered around an activity that the whole family can enjoy, such as skiing. Times are changing and life seems disconnected. Traditional family vacations build a family foundation that hasn't changed since you and your sister fought over your half of the back seat.

Publish it. Regardless of what you've done or where you've gone, it's always fun to remember it. My wife began taking a large scrapbook with us on our family vacations. As we were driving, we dictated what happened that day and left space to paste in photographs, postcards, admission tickets, etc. When we read about vacations past, we relive the memories. Some entries are exciting???such as when we saw a bear. Others are funny ("You know you're in trouble when the highlight of the day is having your pediatrician phone in an anti-diarrhea prescription"). No event is too small to document. It all looks humorous in hindsight.

We took the same basic two week vacation for 20+ years. Having a purpose in mind and rules to live by made it fun. Having the whole family together made it great. These days the kids are gone, but my wife and I are still dedicated to our two week vacation. And because we built such great memories, we can count on every new vacation day offering up a sight or event that reminds us of the fun times we shared with our kids.

By the way, we thought the family vacation would become a thing of the past, but we are discovering that it might be even a better time than the holidays to gather the kids, spouses, and grandkids. It can be hard to get everyone home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but rent a beach house for a week and they flock to you!

Please, budget for a family vacation, especially before your family disperses. It could be one of the best investments you'll ever make.

Published since 1990, Sound Mind Investing is America's best-selling financial newsletter written from a biblical perspective. Visit the Sound Mind Investing website.

Jet Hit Runway Without Landing Gear

2007-07-02T09:17:00.000-05:00

Hate when that happens...

An investigation into the aborted landing of an American Eagle jet at Logan International Airport last week found an electronic problem caused the jet to touch the runway without landing gear extended.

READ MORE...

Final Wish...

2007-07-02T08:21:00.000-05:00

An elderly man was at home, upstairs, on his deathbed when he smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. So he rolled out of bed, crawled to the landing, hobbled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen. With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula. Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?" She said, "Those are for the funeral."

Paris Hilton gets snuffed by MSNBC anchor

2007-07-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski refuses to talk about Paris Hilton as a "Lead Story" on the Morning Joe show.

Close To Home

2007-07-01T12:58:00.001-05:00

Billboard Wars

2007-07-01T12:54:00.000-05:00

Checkout this Real Billboard in Mumbai — First there was Jet Airways, then Kingfisher responded to Jet Airways by putting up their own Billboard and then it was GoAir which responded to both.

Church Signs

2007-07-01T12:46:00.000-05:00

Aborted Takeoff

2007-07-01T12:32:00.000-05:00

The 794-hour private pilot made an uneventful emergency landing on a public highway following a loss of engine power due to fuel starvation. Several attempts were made by the pilot to have the aircraft placed on a flatbed trailer and recovered to a suitable airport; however, the width of the trailer available for recovery was too narrow to accommodate the airplane's main landing gear. After several failed attempts to recover the airplane by ground, the pilot elected to fill the fuel tanks with 15 gallons of fuel and, in coordination with local law enforcement, attempt to takeoff from the private highway.

Three Holy Men and a Bear

2007-06-29T08:37:00.001-05:00

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Close to Home

2007-06-29T07:46:00.000-05:00